Baby it's cold outside

Yikes is it cold in the house! Pheeewwwweeeee! But that doesn't have much to do with anything besides my current state of body temperature.

Today I played for two services. There was bad good there..and unfortunately, gave in. Now my stomach hurts. :P I diserve it. Wow so much sugar. Where did my resolve go!? Just because it wasn't helping my platelets doesn't mean that's the only thing. My goodness I feel SO much better when I don't eat crap. Ugh. I have issues...clearly.

Yesterday I made an antidote to Excedrine... Since it seems like something is blocking me.... I figured that was one of them, considering I used to take it like CANDY. I should re-dose the Prednistone too, but with a higher potency...which I don't have..... I should email April after the holiday.

This is my new goal:

I want to go....so......so....very.......badly. True story.

I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

My Christmas wish did not come true. Platelets are 26.

Tomorrow I work all day (playing for two services). And Sunday morning. YAY money!

I forgot to mention that on Monday, after my session with Linda, my tailbone started hurting. o.O Not sure what that's about....Old stuff leaving? *shrug* It still hurts, albeit less than Monday.

Sweet potatoes are amazing. Especially cooked in a little coconut oil. :)

Almost Christmas?

The weather has been a little bit warmer than normal, I think....and no rain yet, so it REALLY doesn't feel like the end of December. Plus the fact that I'm STILL working, and will be until Christmas day.

I got my CBC done today! Though I don't think anyone will be in the office tomorrow to tell me the results....  I spotted more random bruises. Ugh. Not sure I want to know.

No exercise yet. :(  I'm having a hard time getting my life in order. I am SO late on my period too. 3 weeks currently. Clearly, I'm more stressed than I think I am. Well.. only one day left of teaching, and then I get a few weeks off. And then NO 7th PERIOD!!! For a month, at least.

Apparently moms legs have been cramping up too. At first I was thinking it was old things coming back.. but it might be more simple and be lack of potassium...since mom is experiencing the same thing (worse than me, in fact). I made a potato dish for dinner in response to said cramping. :)

I really need to stop blogging RIGHT before I want to go to be. I'm positive I could be more creative with my sentences if I did this earlier in the day. Ah well.... Time for bed.

Wisdom tooth

Both my bottom wisdom teeth are angled toward the rest of my teeth. They aren't causing pain, nor are they coming in. They can't, really... they're both angled against my back molars. Anyway... the right one has caused some of the gum to pull away from my last tooth... so I have to clean it out every night. Kind of like MASSIVE flossing... with a pick. Apparently the root of the tooth is exposed, cause I scraped it. O.o  Let me tell you.. that's not a feeling you want to feel everyday. Maybe once in your life.. maybe. Shocking. Literally. So I should go to the dentist before this gets worse. Most likely I need to get the wisdom tooth removed. The only problem is I don't really HAVE ENOUGH FREAKEN PLATELETS to have sugery!!!!! GGAARRRGGGGGHHHH!!!! Just when I think they MIGHT be up a little, these bruises keep showing up...all dark and purple and disgusting. My CBC is waiting for me to pick it up. I'l go get it Monday, but I don't have much hope. :(  I'm loosing steam here. I haven't lost ALL hope... but most of it.
My Christmas wish: Platelets...... And a camera. :)

In other news, our concert on Friday went MASHINGLY. :) Everyone was quite pleased, which makes me pleased. A happy principle and parents are ones that keep you hired.

And I STILL haven't started working out. *sigh**whimper* I need help.

The more I'm busy, the less I post

So clearly, I've been out and about working...hence the lack of posts. The past two weeks have been nearly a gig every day. Tomorrow will be my last one for a while (not including Christmas)
My students are going to sing a set of 7 songs at the pot luck tomorrow night. Should be interesting! :D We're using mics as well. AND the piano is tuned!

I just watched a rather inspirational video on YouTube:

I sit FAR too much. I never really thought about it as being unhealthy in and of itself. Inspiring... Very inspiring. I keep SAYING I need to exercise, but haven't started yet! This is madness. Less talking, more doing. I feel like a part of me isn't ready for some stupid reason. Or maybe it's that a part of me doesn't think I actually can, so it struggles to even start. Or maybe it's cause I don't have much support (besides mom and Jess).... Everyone says the whole "love yourself" "you're BEAUTIFUL", etc etc. This is about HEALTH.... okay.. and looks, yes. But FAR more about health. I want to get out and DO stuff. I want to be able to go dancing for hours. To go on long, rigorous hikes through the mountains. I can't do these things right now, and it just kills me. How do I start!? BAH! *facepalm*

Period hasn't started yet.... so I still haven't gotten my blood checked. *eye roll*

My dream last night was very interesting.
One of my students hopped into my car and started the engine. I was furious with him. I mean.. who does that? So I was yelling and swearing, and in my heated state, I did something that was super human. I think I slammed open some doors (that where 20 feet away). He was surprised, as was I...and that kind of calmed me down. I went to the dean and explained that I needed to leave immediately cause there were going to be people after me now.
"I apparently have..mm... super hero like abilities." I told her, searching for a quick way out.
I jumped out the side window and started climbing up the walls of a nearby building, so I would have an aerial view and at least be off of the streets. But before I could really get anywhere, this woman I know (who is VERY clingy) finds me and keeps trying to pull me down. I couldn't climb fast enough... she was always RIGHT behind me. Her constant nagging and pulling really slowed me down, and before I could get out of sight, cops started showing up on the street below.

It was really frustrating by the end there. And I think it means that I'm being held back from reaching my potential.. or something along those lines. I've had other dreams but have been SO busy, never wrote them down. And now I don't remember them. :P Ah well. Speaking of dreams.. I should go make some. :)

Weekly recap yet again..

Had a concert on Tuesday (orchestra)
Had a concert on Thursday (recital)
Had another concert today (another recital)
And tomorrow is BV's big 2 hour fund raiser concert..with a dress rehearsal in the morning.
Why yes.. yes it has been a long week.

Zoe and Stella are currently playing in the kitchen. They're still getting to know each other... It's slow, but it's happening. :) Jax is sleeping and missing out on the fun, which might be a good thing. I think both of them intemidate her.. but one at a time she can handle. :)

Bruises. UGH! A new big one on my arm today. And a few on my legs (knees and thigh) and one on my back (I recall hitting that at some point). :P
I have a CBC ordered for me, but I want to wait till my period starts... which SHOULD be any day now...but with my body, who knows!

No German choir for the rest of the month.. or Sac State. WOW! I'm down to THREE jobs for the next two weeks! That's AWESOME. :D Maybe I'll actually come up with a curriculum!

I'm meeting with the department chair next week to talk about graduating. I bumped into him today and that reminded me to make an appointment.

My back is on fire these days from all the piano playing. I need to see my magical Marlies!

Dress rehearsal in the morning.. Time for bed.

Not the greatest weekend I've ever had....

What. A. Weekend.
First off: I had a session with Linda, which was fabulous, as always. Then things just went down hill.
I had a student bloody another student in my 7th period class. I had NO idea what to do. I was furious, frustrated, and terrified all at once. Had to meet with the principle and parents. (The principle is an AMAZING woman and as cool as a cucumber). One of the moms was CRAZY and trying to threaten us. The other mom was ultra calm. It was just bizare.
I wanted to burst into tears nearly the whole time, but managed to wait till I got to my car (TWO HOURS later). Then just sobbed while talking to my mom.
Then Saturday the Germans sang for the opening of Kriskindelmart (not sure how to spell that). I walk into the room and they inform me there's no piano on stage... So then I have to hustle everyone to un-bury it so they'll have accompaniment. It would have been a disaster without a piano.
Then Sunday I get food poisoning or something close to it. Not as much throwing up as last time, but definitely the hardest vomiting session I've ever had. It just wouldn't quit! I swear I puked up part of my small intestine.
Today my stomach is still a bit sore, and I'm a little shaky and out of it.

On a good note, I got PAID! FINALLY! JUST in the nick of time too.

Busy week this week. I have a concert Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

I can already tell this winter break is not going to be long enough.... Not be a long shot.

Thanksgiving Recap

As per usual, I'm tired and it's late..so I will bullet the highlights.

• Thanksgiving break was awesome. It started out with a concert, then sailing, then a trip to Hollister, then a conference, then a quick stop back in Hollister to pick up two new kittens! Currently Zoe is a little confused and put off.... she'll get over it. :) The picture on the right is Stella, and the other one looks JUST like her; Maximus. They're outrageously cute.  More pictures will follow, I'm sure of it. 

Sailing on a CALM sea with a stunning sunset

Mom and Jeff trying to explain themselves (they lost)

• I started feeling overwhelmed and depressed towards the end of the weekend, so I redosed the Carsinosin (dry). Now I'm watching the nasty bruises on my legs to see how fast they heal. Really, I need to call for a CBC.

• Mom and I started the Joel Furhman challenge. I want to win it so I can get a free trip to his weekend resort. That's some motivation. Plus, I'm really thinking about joining CalFit again. It's on the way to and from work, which makes it convenient and doable, plus I really like all the classes and the POOL.

At the dock at sunset

Clean room. Aaahhhh

Mom gave me a pep talk/lecture. Basically, that put a fire under me and I got my room cleaned in a matter of hours. *facepalm* It's not like it's hard... it's just a matter of doing it. *sigh*

Tomorrow I'm off for the Bay, then coming back to Sac but not coming home...then going straight to the ranch, and then straight to the conference on Friday. We'll be back on Sunday.. and hopefully bringing with us a friend for Zoe! :D Needless to say, my computer will be off since I'll be gone for the whole week.

I haven't redosed yet.... I'll wait out the week to see how I feel. Mentally I don't feel overwhelmed, though there's nothing to feel overwhelmed about, since I've been checking things off my 'to do' list.

Yikes I'm tired. Did Zumba this morning. That was fun and a good workout, though I didn't get my heart going as much as I'd like. But it's a start, for sure. :)

Away I go!

We love Ms. Janzen

Today was the last day before Thanksgiving break. As you can imagine, we sang for a bit, and then had some free time at the end of class.
But while we were singing, some students were being disruptive and I sent them outside. This is what they did:

"Ms. Janzen We love you!"
and
"Ms. Janzen your adorable" (notice the misspelling! Hahahah!)

It was the cutest thing ever.. and it was REALLY cold outside (the weather was shifting dramatically during class), so I let them back in.''

I still don't have a very good reign on them.. but we're all having fun. Though we could have MORE if I could get them under control. Much too much drama amongst themselves.... especially the boys. *eye roll*

On the white board they drew this during the free time:
On the other side someone wrote, "I love Ms. Janzen" And then all around that in different colors was "me too", "me also", "awesomeness", "same here", etc. Hehehe. They're such goobers, but I love them. Too freaken adorable.

Curves

Mom wanted to go check out this gym called Curves (it's for women). I did it once or twice a LONG time ago... It's changed since then, to be sure, but still seems interesting. It's definitely for older ladies... but hey, I need a kick start.. and I'll get it anyway I can! We're going to go for a week (for free) to check it out, and then go from there. I have a feeling I won't keep going and pay... but I'll totally go for free while I can. :D Here's hoping this is what I need! Must. Get. In. SHAPE! OY!

Becoming a superhero

I mean.. why not? No.. I'm not talking like Spiderman where I need a radioactive spider on hand. I'm just referring to achieving your absolute potential as a human being. I think far too often we settle for far less than we're capable of. Personally, I could do MUCH more with my life.... but lack the discipline mostly. I know I can do so much more. Jess is the same way. Brilliant, and has so much potential.. just lazy as hell with very little self discipline.
I would honestly like to move in this direction. I guess the first step is to make a list of what I think a modern superhero's qualities are.
But before I get into that. Bed time. :) (Good health is on that list. And a good night's sleep is part of good health.. so I'll start there.)

Now THAT's some dreaming!

Wow! Talk about X-rated dreaming all night! Gees! Well.. not that I'm complaining. Heheheh. Not to go into details, but I woke up at least three times because the feeling got too intense, only to go back to sleep and have the dream continue (normally my dreams don't pick up where they leave off after waking up). Needless to say.. it was a fun night. :)

We got dinner for free after the concert. It was good...albeit salty.

The German choir concert went well. Everyone had a good time, and we sang fairly well. One point was a total crash and burn moment, but it was forgivable (I warned the audience it was a hard piece). And Dave did a fantastic job (definitely the star of the show. EVERYONE LOVED him. Which in turn gave me kudos points for inviting him. Heheheheh)
Afterward, the secretary said she was going to insist on giving me a raise. Rock. On. :) That boosted some confidence.
And everyone said the same thing: They love my energy and what I was doing with the choir, but LOVED Dave, but they didn't like the music. (To which I would inform them that I didn't pick out the music). I can't tell you how many times I had that exact same conversation. And half the time it was with the smell of wine in my face. Ha! Good ol' German choir! Good times.


Found some red spots. *eye roll* And been light headed.. which is usually a "hey..count's down" sign.

I know I keep saying this, but really... truly.. I need to work out. Oy. Va. Voy. I'd feel so much better if I was in shade. I watched "Singing in the Rain" again and wanted to take up tap dancing right then and there.. I miss it sssssooooooooooo much. I miss the magic and mystery I had back in high school and my younger years. I don't want to loose that. I think that's what makes us old... Or at least one of the things. Lack of exercise is definitely another one. Both physical and mental.

Aaannnnd bed time.

No work tomorrow and THANK GOODNESS for that!

Headache is alllmmooossst gone. The massage helped.

German choir dress rehearsal went... er... terribly is too strong, but 'not well' is quite fitting. *facepalm* We'll see how Saturday goes. Lots of lesson learning going on.... hard... lessons..... *whimper*

Enough please...

The whole day I've been as weak as a new born babe. Okay... that's exaggerating, I know... But not too far from the truth. My headache is pretty much gone, though about 1% is left. And I'm also just totally worn down and keep feeling like I have a fever...though I don't. I guess that's the Carsinosin... But really people, can we be done with this? I have SO much to do and can't afford the time to relax in my room and do nothing..which is exactly what I've been doing today (besides teaching...where I showed "Happy Feet," and will continue that tomorrow)

I had a session with Linda..which helped a bit... if anything, it just felt really good (as it always does). Tomorrow I get a massage, and Friday is NO SCHOOL. Then the concert on Saturday. Oh goodness. Is that really happening? Yikes. First concert where I'm directing a choir and not at the piano. Yes.. I'll be nervous... I think. That, or I just won't care cause of how exhausted I am. *eye roll* I'll have accompanying our guest soloist, though. Hehehe. Yay Dave! I hope everyone loves him. :)

Massive headache

Yesterday, around lunch, I started feeling funky... slight headache..and an overall 'blah' feeling. By the time I got home, it was getting worse... and around 9 or so, I puked my guts out.
Reasons? It could be any one of these or a combination thereof:
1. Didn't drink enough water
2. The Carsinosin working it's magic
3. Detoxing?....from eating flour tortillas?.... maybe....

Needless to say, I still fee like crap and my head STILL hurts... which was unexpected. Normally a good night sleep will do the trick. Bllaaahhhh. I refuse to take anything! This needs to work out of my system, whatever the cause.
Teaching won't be fun, though. I think we'll just watch a musical.

The bruise on my hand is no longer blue, but now more brownish. I found a bruise on the back of my knee though... purple.. and doesn't hurt. :P  Can I just go to sleep, and not wake up till I have platelets? Thank you.

A new feeling

Today I experienced frustration and anger like I've never experienced before. I am barely keeping these kids in line.. bbbaaarreeeelllyy. We're talking about hanging on with fingernails. My grand plan just totally backfired in my face. It was WAY WAY WAY WAY too hard for them. Total and complete disaster. And they just wouldn't shut up. I haven't screamed at them yet.. but it almost hit that point. At the end of the day, I'm frustrated with myself.. so I need to remember that.
I'd like to state for the record that currently, as of today, I hate this job. Most likely that opinion will change.. but that's where am at RIGHT now.
So then, I go to German choir, and find out no one knows anything about sound/microphones. And people are complaining about what to wear..and some people don't even get the concept of black and white and any mixture thereof.

I'm so flustered, upset, and frustrated, I have stomach acid! BLECK! Haven't had that since I started eating well.
And now I have hiccups.

This week needs to be over... and it's only Monday. *facepalm*

Aggravation

No.. not me. Well.. okay.. yes, but not what you think. :)  This is hpathy talk.
Yesterday I felt like crapolla in the morning. My neck was hurting in a very odd, uncomfortable way. Not my throat (as in, cold/flu/sick stuff) but the sides of my neck. Weird. Like.. lymph nodes maybe? It went away by the end of the day.
And then this morning, my left arm started cramping again..even worse than last time. Thankfully, it's done, cause UGH was it painful.

I actually have an idea of what to do today for 7th period! I need to write it all out.. but at least I have something! Wow what a concept! *facepalm*

Tonight is our last rehearsal before our dress rehearsal on Thursday for German choir. Oh.. boy. Dave came over yesterday to run through his songs. THANK GOODNESS he's singing, otherwise our concert would be 50 min (where they're use to at last an hour and a half). They're fantastic, beautiful pieces.... so the audience should be pleased, I hope. *fingers crossed*

Okay. Time to prep.

Re-dosed...

..the Carsinosin (in water). I couldn't help myself.. I was just feeling so overwhelmed again (thinking about teaching, coming up with something TO teach, and the concert on Saturday).

On a refreshing note, we saw Siegfried today! :D SOOOO awesome. Fastest 5 hours of my life.
Some people really hate the set, but personally, I think it's AMAZING. Yes.. it can (and has) malfunctioned, but it's soooo cool, it makes up for it in its awesomeness.
Afterward I was invited to go on a sailing trip/ dinner in the Bay, but had to refuse cause it would have meant I would be out late, and not get enough sleep due to working in the morning. *sigh* It was the right choice, at the end of the day, albeit not the fun one. :P




I smacked the back of my hand on my bed on Thursday night..... there's a bruise now, as expected. Let's see how long it takes to heal. I saw some red spots on my chest today as well. Trying not to scream with frustration.  My left forearm is cramping as I type this.... perhaps the Carsinosin? (which I dosed around...er...... 5 or so). Wow I'm just getting so tried of waiting. I got an encouraging word from Patti the other day.. so I'm trying to hold on to it. But yikes is it hard when it seems nothing is happening. Grrrrr I say. Grr.

Programs....

..are a thorn in my side.

Next year, I will NOT be responsible for putting together the program for our concert (this is German choir).. or at least, we MUST START SOONER. Ah well. This is what happens when no one knows what everyone else is doing. *faceplam*
At least it'll be done soon, and I won't have to think about it any more. Beginning to feel a tinge of overwhelmedness (oh yes.. I just invented a new word).... perhaps it's time to re-dose soon? I'd like to check my platelets too..... no red dots.. and the bruises continue to heal. It's been so long since I've had a normal count, I don't even know what it means any more. o.O

Still mini dreams.
And night sweats! UGH! The past two or three nights I've been DRENCHED with sweat. Not a fun thing. The last time this happened, I got massively sick a week later.... Hmmm..... *fingers crossed* Maybe it has something to do with my period? But that doesn't make since... at least.... I don't think it does.

Anyway! Back to this retched program booklet...

Hpathy tracking

I went through my posts to find all the dates I dosed... so here they all are for reference (or at least the ones I could find (that I labeled)):

Feb 14th - Phos.
March 14th - Phos.
April 4th - Galodin. Phos.
June 4th - G.Phos
July 3rd- G.Phos
July 2th - G.Phos
Aug 17th - G.Phos
Sep 22 - XRay
Oct 23 - Carsinosin

I got a bruise on each knee from last weeks adventure hiking... and they seem to be healing pretty well. Maybe faster than they have been? Hard to tell. No red dots is a plus, as well!

Sleep is better. And dreams!!! I'm having them again.. and remember them. (Yes.. I am quite pleased with that. I hate not dreaming). There seems to be a lot of mini ones instead of one or two long ones. I remember laughing REALLY hard the other night at something, but can't recall what. And Brain B. has been in a few (RANDOM!)... and Jess. There was one dream that seemed like a parallel reality where Rob married someone else, and Drew was dating Julianna. o.O That one was bizarre. 

This weekend was fantastic. Just a nice time hanging out in the Bay area with some friends. We went on a quick sail, then made dinner and played some board games. (also made a few trips to the pool/hot tub!). 

Here's a shot from their porch. Yeah.... I want to live there too.

The way of woman is upon me. ABOUT TIME!!! I was late by at least two weeks. *eye roll* Which means I'm stressed. (duhhur!)  I keep going back and forth about liking this whole teaching thing. Currently, I'm not so happy about it. I really want to just accompany, at the end of the day. :P  One of my friends we were hanging out with was giving me tips and stories of his teaching adventures.... he seems far more cut out for it. I just have a hell of a time disciplining. I have the capability to be 'mean' and stern and serious.. but it doesn't come so naturally to me as I thought.... I guess I've had so much stress in my life that I don't want to cause any. *facepalm* That doesn't work so well here.

Yet again.. the room needs to be cleaned. HA! I read that SO many times in my older posts.. that and needing to exercise.. which I need to do. *a million facepalms* I bought this workout on amazon with Jullian Michaels.... 20min a day. Totally do able (time wise). I just need to PLAN. Planning is the key to everything, apparently.. and something I have yet to do. I think I'll got play some drinking songs at a church and then come back and set a plan. I have no idea how much weight I've gained back...but I'm sure it'll get a HUGE eye roll and sigh.

Keeping track...

Just a quick update:
Yesterday, I noticed my right arm was cramping a bit.. which is hasn't done in a LONG time. Something of note? *shrug* but there you have it.
I slept SO much better last night... and had dreams! Hurray!! I can't really remember them.. though I kept hitting my snooze button and dreaming in between alarms (about 10 min). One of those dreams took place in Iran, or something similar. Random! We were watching a woman who had just given birth (upper class lady), and I accidentally knocked down this glass panel/window we were looking through. My bad! Cue chase. Heheh.
Another dream started in LA with the BV choir. And I was SO confused cause the last thing I remembered was hitting the snooze button over and over again in my bed.. and for the life of me I couldn't remember us traveling down south. I wasn't worried about it, but thought it was bizarre that I couldn't remember leaving or riding the bus or anything!

Today I felt better as well... Not so overwhelmed, though nothing has died down. But I was able to handle everything, and managed to enjoy teaching (at least more than yesterday!). I sense 'movie time' will be soon. Oy!


I need to put together stuff for the insurance company. Yikes do I need to be reimbursed!

Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed. It's what I start to feel when too much is on my plate. Perhaps everyone feel this, no?
I hate this feeling. It started in college, and has a part in my platelets and lack thereof (At least, that's my personal take on the matter). I haven't felt this in over a year.... and thought I was rid of it. Ugh. It's my fault.... now how do I fix it? By getting stuff done, duh Kate! *faceplam* I need help.

I took a new remedy tonight. Cardison (sp?). Let's see what happens...

Most of the hike was like this.. or similar. Just amazing

Yesterday I woke up at 5:30am, drove to the coast with some friends, hiked 12 miles, drove back, went to bed at midnight... Then slept through my alarm and was late to work (but at least not by much). But it was all well worth it. I can barely move my legs, and have blisters on the pads of my feet, but SO worth it. I want to go camping there (there's a site about half a mile from the picture below).

There's a waterfall coming off the cliff waaayyy in the distance.

 

 

It's all about perspective...

Some strangers took a picture of my from my perch at the waterfalls edge. Hehehe. In this shot, you're looking straight down.. that's why it's so hard to tell what's going on. :)

Feel like crap! Yikes!

I think it's because the way of women is almost upon me (I never know exactly when)... but currently I feel teribble! Headache for one thing (which is VERY uncommon for me now-a-days)... sick to my stomach.. and just a general 'not well' feeling. Laammme. I don't like this.

In other news, German choir rehearsal went very well tonight. The concert is less than a month away.. but I think we'll be ready for it.

I'm slllooowwlly getting the hang of teaching. Making lots of mistakes, but learning from them. Oh am I ever. I have a story.. but it'll have to wait. I need bedtime to be now. SO.. off I go!

Not yet.

Huh.
Bruises.
Guess my count isn't up yet like I was hoping.
*sigh*
The waiting continues...

Too much piano playing!

My hands/wrists are starting to hurt.. and MOST unfortunatly, I still have TWO weekends left of the musical. Uuuggghhhh. I took today off, and tomorrow morning..hopefully it'll be enough rest to get me through. I'm wearing my wrist guards, and that helps some.

Tomorrow I'll get a massage (and start voice lessons!). I can't wait for this show to be done. Need. A. BREAK!

Go platelets! GO!

The latest count: *drum rolll* 36! Now.. I can't get excited yet.. cause that isn't too terribly far from 30... but it IS, however, higher...non the less. :D We'll get a better idea what which direction it's going (if any) the next time.

A bit of everything

Man I don't write here enough! Too much to recap now....

Let's see. I'm not playing at Waldorf any more.. it was all just too much. I had to let something go, and that was the one that was just too out of the way and didn't pay enough to compensate for that. PLUS I can now space out BV on the days that I don't go to Sac State. Really, it just makes everything better. :)

The hardest part about teaching, I've discovered (for myself, at any rate) is discipline. Yikes. I definitely don't have that down yet. Really, though.. everyone says I'm a great teacher, but honestly I wasn't ready. I had NO training at all. Sink or swim, and learn the hard way.. that's what I get now. Ha. I think I'm enjoying it..I think (haven't fully decided yet). However, I yearn to make REAL music with professionals the longer I work with these kids.

I'm struggling to get organized. I need to clean my room so badly, but once I get home I'm just SO mentally drained that I don't want to do anything. :P

The cold that I got last week is just about done... It never really amounted to anything in the first place, which is just fantastic for me, considering I used to get a cold for weeks upon weeks in my younger years.

I need to exercise. I need to go dancing. Somehow I need to find the time. This should be higher on the priority list than it is currently. I did push-ups tonight.. and hope to make that a nightly routine. (I had that going for a while about 5 years back. It was simple, and worked. Time to do it again). Managed 10 girly ones. *facepalm* It's a start, right?

I took a new hpathy (X-Ray) last week. I think it helped with my cold. But it was for my platelets...Not sure where my count is currently.... I'd guess 30s..maybe. I'll get a CBC tomorrow! It's been over two months.... which is the longest I've gone since being diagnosed (It went from every week to every month.. I guess now it's every two months. Heh)

The other night I dreamed I was a werewolf (along with two other people). I remember we went to some school and picked up this girl who didn't know she was one..but was about to find out for the first time cause there was a full moon. She, I, and I think my brother where in the back seat of a car.. I'm not sure where we were driving to, but the three of us started changing. I remember trying to fight it, but then looking out the window and seeing the moon.. and then it was filling my vision and I couldn't look away from it.. And this raw, wild, intense feeling was overwhelming me and I could feel myself start to turn into a wolf. I woke up before that actually happened, but for a good portion of that morning and into the afternoon I could still faintly sense that feeling. That sometimes happens with my dreams... a lingering feeling.

I also had another dream... but that's a little more on the R rated side. So. Heh. Yeah.

The colors of Autumn

Fall seems to be on it's way.. and I LOVE autumn. Hands down my favorite season. The energy in the air is so... vibrant. And it feels like anything is possible. I need to get out more and enjoy it! Soak it up before it's winter. California is notorious for autumn lasting..oh..a few weeks, and then the rest of the time it's a cold, raining winter.
This is a pic from our grapevine. Unfortunately, we had bugs that killed it for the most part. We got about 1/4 of what the crop should have been. Ugh. Mom found some natural spray...so we'll use that next year. Quite unfortunate. But the grapes that made it were tasty.

Sore throat! ACK!

Clearly, due to my lack of posting, I have been busy. That is the understatement of the century. Teaching is fun, but slightly exhausting... trying to keep kids in line, quite, and teach them all at the same time will wear you out right quick. But I think I can handle it.
Apparently, though, what I CAN'T handle is EVERYONE in the musical being sick, and hanging out with them backstage. Opening night one boy was sick, by the third show, two more were sick. By the next weekend ALL but two were sick. :P I'm surprised I wasn't included in that. However, I HAD been getting good, solid sleep every night for the past week (finally sleeping well!!! WHOO!), but last night I didn't get much. 1) The show ended at 11pm. I didn't get in bed till midnight, and then had to get up at 6:30am this morning. So that screwed with things. And 2) I had to wear my wrist guards cause my hands are hurting from all the piano playing. And then on top of bad/minimal sleep, the way of women is about to crash into me, and that messes with things immune wise. SO, now I find myself with a sore throat. I've made myself a green smooth with spinach, kale, zucchini, celery, cilantro, and strawberries. (Poured onto cantaloup and granola)... and am about to suck on some zinc. We'll see what becomes of this.
Thankfully, I don't have to work tomorrow morning (though that will end next week).

Tomorrow I'll see Dr. Allen for a check up about my back. It's better, though all this work is not helping, and it was starting to hurt again during the show tonight. :P Lame.

I called to get an order for a CBC, but they haven't called me back yet. Though it's pointless, cause I can tell by my ugly purple bruises that it has gone no where. Grrrrrrrrr. I had my little revelation about not loosing hope the last time I blogged.. so I'm hanging on to that as hard as I possibly can. I see these bruises though and just want to weep with frustration and scream wildly. What am I not doing!? What have I missed?!? There has to be something missing... shouldn't I be better by now? Or at least improved? Stagnate is where I'm at. Maybe because I'm not exercising?..... I'm stagnate with exercise, so my platelets are mirroring that. Wow.... okay.... I wonder if that's right... I just had another revelation JUST like the one last time.... same exact thing, but with the word "mirror." I know what that means... no one else does.... It has to do with my last session with Linda. Wow. Could that really be it? Hmmmmm. I wouldn't have any reason to say 'no, that's not right' because I haven't been exercising... not for a long time (in a solid, consistent way)...so there's no evidence to say otherwise. Something to think about for me, for sure. Thankfully the weather is improving (and by improving, I mean cooling off), so maybe I'll be more likely to go outside. If only I won't get sick now.....

There's LOTS more to blog about, but I need to go to bed early....sooo.. I'm going to do that instead. :)

Beyond busy bee

I guess I'll take a quite moment and update..since it's been over a week. :)
I have 7 jobs now. That's right. Seven. Accompanying Bella Vista, playing at Waldorf, directing the Germans, playing at the theater, playing at 1st cov, helping out with conducting lessons, and teaching music/choir at G.W.C. WHHEEEE!
G.W.C starts next week. :) I'm totally stoked, though I still need to make a silibus and figure out what I'm doing. (I have an idea)
And Waldorf starts the week after that (for me, at any rate).
And then we'll be in full swing! Phew! Hard working woman here! I work at least 20 hours a week now, which is FAR greater than it's ever been. Plus there's all the prep work and practicing. So it feels full time, to be sure.

The musical opens this Friday. It should be a good show.... some of the actors make me nervous with their lines (and lack of memorization), and even more so with the songs. I've exhausted my resources... there is nothing more I can do other than to pray and hope they get it together (I'm mainly thinking of one person in particular here)

I started eating my 'post hospital' way.. which is Dr. Furhman.. but gluten free. How long will I keep saying 'I need to loose weight' until it actually happens? We'll see. Being motivated and VERY busy might actually do the trick. :) That.. or backfire in my face.

My count isn't up.. I can tell from the red spots and bruises I still get. *sigh* I'm trying to keep hope, but it's slipping a little bit. Okay... as I typed that last sentence, I just remembered one of the things I learned at a CS session a few weeks okay. Wow. Crazy. I'm sitting here having a wild revelation of sorts. It's personal, so I won't indulge here... but I know what I'm talking about. :) Hehehe. Okay. Hope. Can't loose it. Or rather.. Keep it.
Speaking CS sessions, my last one was, as always, fabulous. This time I came away with:
Dance. :) I've been wanting to for a LONG time now, and that was just a confirmation.

Right! Lots to do! Gotta get to it!

So far so good... unless I'm refering to sleep. :P

Well that went well. :) It was hard to say what everyone thought of me. I think for the most part, everyone liked me.... though I think I really have to prove myself a bit more for a few of them... It was hard to say exactly what... But I only caught that from 2 of them.

I'm DEAD tired. I went to bed around 9 last night, but didn't fall asleep till at least 11... and of course, didn't sleep well. I took some valarian root..but that didn't help.. maybe it made it worse? Anyway.... I'm so sleepy I want to scream. This is really getting frustrating. Mom just suggested taking a power nap... which I've never been good at. Once I fall asleep, I'm out for HOURS. But maybe I'll try it, cause I don't know what else to do. :( It's a little upsetting. No.. it's more than a little. Extremely. Bah! I actually woke up when my alarm went off.. only cause I knocked the phone off the bed and had to go get it or face the insentient beeping of the alarm. But then I looked outside... gray clouds and WINDY.. so instead of going for a bike ride, I went back to sleep. (And officially got up at 9). Tomorrow, however, I won't have the option of going back to sleep... since I'll be going in to BV.

Okay... Power nap. Let's see if this works. (Good thing I don't have German choir tonight! Phew!)

Tomorrow!! AAHHHHH!

Tomorrow it all begins!
I'm waking up at 6:00am if it kills me, and going on a bike ride. (To ready myself for Tues, where I'll ride to work)
And then I'll go to G.W.C to meet with one of the teachers, go over what music to do, start getting my room ready, and then teach the teachers some music! Today I quickly whipped together a simple three part round of Hey, Ho, Nobody Home. So we'll either do that.. or if Scott has something better...we'll do that instead. Or maybe both! Who knows.. I'll find out when I get there.

WHEEE! I'm excited more than nervous. :) In fact.. I'm not nervous at all currently... Hopefully that keeps.

I am crazy tried, though.... STILL not sleeping well!!!! BAH!!! I can't wait till I'm NOT writing that anymore.. and then looking back on these posts going, "Oh yeah! I remember that! Man I'm glad that's over.." *eye roll* If only that moment were NOW and not in the future. Oh well. One step at a time.

Mom and I are starting Joel Furhman anew tomorrow as well. And I think I'll add in livestrong.com again.... cause that was really working for me. Those two things combined; I'll be set.

Out of the funk and into the BUSY!

Two days I got a phone call for a job offer teaching at a Waldorf inspired high school.. teaching 2 periods.. both 'singing' classes (basic music...basically). $40 an hour. After a phone call to my friend who was the previous teacher (and the one who recommended) and some internal discussion, I decided to take the job. And not but an hour after they had called, Waldorf called asking if I could play for the Eurythmy class (full time, as oppose to subbing like last time). WOW! Sooo... yeah... All of the sudden I got really busy. 6 jobs! But I need it, cause I just bought this little guy!:
No name yet.. though Marshmellow is a popular vote amongst my facebook buddies. I had a FANTASTIC experience at the dealership (who'd a thought!?). I saw the reviews for one of the dealers, Jeff Smart (awesome name).. and everyone had nothing but awesome things to say about him, so when we showed up, we asked for him like we knew him. He was a little confused when he came out to greet us, clearly raking his brain to remember these ladies in front of him (mom was with me). I promptly explained my googling experience. He was excited to hear it, and not entirely surprised. Anyway... he was awesome. And I got this. With 2.9% interest rate. Phew!

So with all my new jobs, all be paying that little guy off as fast as I can. My credit was good before... I'll be a rock star by the end of this. :)


School starts in 3 weeks (well.. the school I'm teaching at.. BV starts in two days!), so I've got 3 weeks to get in better shape. After all, if I'm going to be a roll model for these guys.. I'd like to also be a roll model for health as well. :) It's good inspiration. I just need to sleep better! Last night was okay.. I actually got a bad headache from a combination of not enough water and what I'm pretty sure was a detox from the "bad" food I had been eating the past month or so. (We were at the dealership for a while.. and I was afraid I was going to puke right there in the guys office.... thankfully I didn't. Mom was commenting how pale I looked, and the guy offered me some cantaloupe he had on him. Nice. :)) But I got through it with a wet washcloth and a fan blowing on my face. (Kudos for not taking any pain killers!)

Right! Lots of planning to do! Man I do SO much better when I'm busy. Darn tooten. I just hope I haven't swung the opposite direction and will get overloaded.... I'm think I'm good. Well see!

A tiny funk something

I'm feeling a little off today... Not sure what's up exactly. It could be I've been at the computer nearly ALL day for the past two days straight (working on recording for the musical and German choir). Yeah..... now that I read that sentence, I'm leaning more in that direction.
I took my remedy on the 27th of July.. but I'm feeling like I should redose again. Who knows where my count is... not much higher, if any at all. :P Mom keeps telling me to just forget about it and move on with life. Well I'm pretty sure I'm moving on with life, but it's near to impossible to forget.... Especially when I'm waiting to see something happen... and 'nothing' is what continues to happen. Maybe I should do another water fast? Of course... at the rate things are going, I don't know if I'll ever be able to do that again. *sigh* I'll cross that bridge later. I wouldn't be able to do it until January any way.

Sleep is STILL bad. UGH! It comes and goes.. I'd like it to GO and stay gone.

Ok.. I've been in front of the computer far too long today.

I'm going to redose.....

Kitty's back, composing's back, ninja workout

Zoe is now doing this thing where she's gone ALL day... comes in to eat, and then back out she goes! Today was the first in a week where she actually stayed in for the day and slept up in my bed. I honestly think it had something to do with me being gone all the time... and I think mom finally agrees... cause now that I'm home more, she's in more. So that's that.

I started composing again today. It felt nice, albeit slightly cheesy... It's for the Germans.. so it's easy and pretty sounding. The hardest part is writing in German! I'm using some old poetry.. but still, making sure the syllables fit with the ebb and flow of the music if difficult when you don't speak the language. Yet another reason why I need to learn.

Last Wednesday I went with a friend to his ninjutsu class. Ironically, I got a workout without even knowing it. I was SO sore the next day.. and I think I hurt my back a little bit. :P But besides that, it was awesome. Really fun, and I learned a lot. :) I'd like to go again, but I work most Wednesday nights. So we'll see if I ever get the chance again.

Sleep is still a little on the 'meh' side. Partly because of my back, and mostly because I'm not getting enough exercise (I think). Tomorrow I would like to go for a bike ride in the morning... The high school I play for starts up in a week... so I need to get back in the groove of waking up at 6am and riding. Yeah. I'm having a bit of a hard time getting my butt in gear.

I had a really vivid dream the other night.... two, in fact... one kind of bled into the next.. but I'm not going to post it.. cause it's a little x rated. :) Use your imagination.

OH! RIGHT! Almost forgot..
I was at a wedding on Saturday for a friend.. and one of the girls sitting at my table had ITP. Crazy! Her count was in the 20's.. and she also decided not to treat. I thought that was just wild. I told her about PDSA.org, and we chatted about the disease for a bit. Small world? Perhaps. :)

Some new lessons in CST

I met with Linda today and had a wild experience (doesn't that always happen? heheh)
I'm tossing back and forth weather or not I should write it all down here...hmmm... no. I'll save that for my physical journal. But here are the lessons I learned:
1. Strength, courage, hope.
2. Life moves... If I want to live more, move more
3. My body knows what it needs... Listen.
4. I need to create more... Write more, sing more, etc.
The whole thing was really awesome, but you'll have to take my word for it. Heheheh.


I dreamed last night that Zoe hurt herself.. and today, she is NO WHERE to be found. I let her outside last night (as per usual) and she never came inside in the morning... and dad and I have looked everywhere for her. So perhaps that dream wasn't all dream. Ugh. Poor thing. I'm sure she is REALLY hungry by now (this is assuming she's still alive. Oy!) It's beastly hot, so if she's injured somewhere, my guess is she's laying low in some shade, healing and waiting for it to cool off. Man I hope so. I love that silly goose!

Sleep and death

Here's the death part of that title:
On my way home.. just now... someone ran a red light on a main street, and almost hit me. LUCKY for me, I wasn't driving my normal 'lets get there' pace, and took my time getting off of the green. This guy/gal was going full speed down the main road (45-50mph) and was only 30-40 feet from me. Thankfully I was looking that way, and promptly stopped in the middle of the lane. They slammed on their brakes and swerved, missing me..but not by much... there was NO way they could come to a stop at that speed. Thankfully they kept control of their car. Needless to say, if I hadn't of stopped, I would be dead right now. Uuuuggghhhh. Maybe I just shouldn't be driving or something.

On a lighter note!
Sleep is WWWAAAAYYYYY better. And so are the dreams.
Last night I dreamed that Sarah and I went to this hospital to get a friend of ours, Gwen. For some reason, she was being held in the psychiactric ward (against her will). Sarah waited in this waiting room area while I snuck in and grabbed Gwen. Me doing so set off an alarm of some kind. We made our way back down the main hallway. At the main intersection, I saw a doctor looking at us, and then looking across the way where the alarm was sounding. I grabbed Sarah by the other hand and we all started running... with the doctor perusing us. There was no one else around, cause it was really late at night.
We made it out the front doors and into the parking lot, where the van was parked (my parents van). But the doctor and some other fellow who I hadn't seen had caught up with us. He was young, and had his head fully shaved to hide some early balding. And really fit. I didn't get a good look at the other guy.
It was appearent that they were there to kidnap us. We had a little bit of a stand off, not sure how to approach the situation. I pointed out the fact that the odds were against us, with these guys being big and fit. One against three would be more fair, but two against three...there was no way we could make it.
For some reason, I was holding a big, thick book in my hands (I think something to do with astronomy) and started whacking the doctor with it, yelling at Sarah and Gwen to run with the distraction. He soon over took me, knocking the book to the street and grabbing me.

Then I woke up.... to pee.

When I went back to sleep, it continued.. which is crazy rare for me. I actually slowly slipped back into it:
I was passed out on a floor, with dimly lit lights flickering haphazardly above me... making a 'zzzt' sound with every flick. I slowly opened my eyes and sat up.
I can't remember so well what the roomed looked like, but I do remember some metal standing shelves behind me... with books on them.
The doctor who nabbed me turned into Dr. Incredible. He was talking to me about how I needed to do more to get myself grounded into myself... and one of the ways was to sit with my knees pulled up to my chin, and wrap my arms around my legs while someone bigger wrapped their arms around me (like a hug, essentially..sitting down). I gave him a look like I wanted him to help me, and he picked up on it. And we just sat there, with him holding me in this arms. If felt fantastic.

And then I woke up..or don't remember anything else.
Time to make more dreams!
(Appointment with Nick in the morning)

Oh! And I had a session with Linda today. We actually worked on the whole thing with me wanting a male companion SO badly.. and how that's really actually a detriment to me. Awesome progress, to say the least. Learning to be content with 'now'. And clearing away the fog that that yearning had created within me.

My feelings about German choir...

I don't think I'll ever fully understand how I feel about German choir. I always.. ALWAYS am not looking forward to going, and ALWAYS would rather stay home. But I go (naturally), and then always have a great time and love it. Bizarre!
I did realize tonight, though, that I'm using all of my own energy with them, as oppose to channeling at least some energy from...er.... what do I call it? Ha! My brain is instantly going to the Wheel of Time fantasy books. The source, is what it's called..... But anyway. Yeah.... I had that realization. I'm not totally sure what to do about that at the moment. It's not like it's a problem, really... it would just be more beneficial to all involved if I used less of my own.

I have been sleeping better.. slowly yet surely! Phew! I've been taking just magnesium the past few nights, and I think that's been helping. My dreams are getting better too. Nothing solid enough to really write about, but they're getting there. :D

I spoke with the insurance people today, so I'm feeling better about that. Things are coming together. I need to cancel mine, so they don't charge me for a car I don't have! :P And I think I WON'T go back to them.... and I'm seriously thinking about looking into AAA (which is what the other girl had... whom I'm dealing with)

School starts sooner than later... I should figure out what I'm doing in that regard. I still need to write that paper... though if it'll do me any good now, I'm not sure. *eye roll* I hate this about myself.. I just... don't... deal with things. I'd rather ignore than face. Fear is a big issue here. :P My sessions with Linda have bee exposing that. And maybe if I read my 'tapping' book, that might help. In fact, I think that would REALLY help.... so maybe I should read it. Oy! There are so many books I want to read! Need..to learn..to read... FASTER!


There is a MASSIVE fly in here.....

Back in the training saddle! (again... *eye roll*)

8am this morning came with a vengeance... with only 5 hours of sleep, I made my way to the gym to face my trainer, who I had not seen for 3 weeks. Needless to say... I'm sore. It was a fantastic work out. And tomorrow I'll need to ride my bike to work (to record), so that'll be an hour workout. Bam! Rockin' the fitness..

I'm STILL not sleeping so well. I ended up taking a nap today and that was the best hour of sleep I've had in a while. Had a few random dreams, but they were more my style, as oppose to what they've been lately. What do I mean by 'my style' I honestly can't describe. My dreams have a certain... err... essence? to them... vibe? I'm not sure how to describe it, truly. But anyway...there you have it. The nap was good. Long, detailed dreams (though I can't really remember them now).

Rehearsal tonight was loooooong. 7-10 straight. Oy! I was teaching music. Productive indeed, but so very long. And with not a lot of sleep, PLUS training, I am more than tired now..... soooooo. BED TIME! :D

(Quick side note: I totally have stomach acid right now, and it SUCKS. I ate some bread, cheese, AND a slice of bread cake today. Worst I've eaten in a long time, and man do I regret it now... I forgot how much I hate this.. BLECK!)

Redosed!

Nothing much to say, really. Just wanted to keep track of when I re-dose my remedy... which I did this morning.

Though I will say this: My fear of driving other peoples cars is fading, purely based on the fact that I have been FORCED to do so since my car was killed. For example: driving my friends car around for two weeks.. and this evening, I had to drive the van to work (which I've never driven a van before). Go me. That's one fear down... many more to go. HOOWAH!

Coming along...

The Way of the Superior Man : A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire, by David Deida.

I just got this, along with two more of his books: Dear Lover, and It's a Guy Thing: An Owner's Manual for Women. So far, the Superior Man one is FANTASTIC. I won't get into it now, but it's awesome.. I will say that much. :) My brother recommended it to me.. technically, it's for guys... but from what I read so far, women benefit from it just as much. Very insightful, among other things.


I had another session with Linda today. Awesome, as always, and I'm really making some progress here... and getting better at sensing my own energy and if there are kinks in it. I'm learning that I need to trust myself more.. and in doing so, will be less afraid. (I'm a total scaredy cat... it's ridiculous how easily I get nervous, though I hide it well.... but really, it's a problem)

Sleep still isn't good. Maybe cleaning my room will help *HUGE eye roll* Why it's ssoooooo hard for me to keep it clean, I may never know.. but there you have it. Exercise will help too... I'll see Nick (my trainer) on Thursday. We had taken a week off because of the car accident, but I think I'm ready to get back to it. My back is not completely better, but allllmost there. I road my bike to the theater the other day (5.4 miles... solid half hour, cause it was HILL-TASTIC!) and managed fairly well, albeit out of breath by the end and sweating like mad in this heat. How did I end up here? I started this paragraph about sleep.... hmmmmm.

Yet another baby spider...

I was visiting with some friends in the Bay the past two days, and not last night, but the night before, I found yet ANOTHER baby spider on me. I ended up killing it, though I try not to (but it happens that physical reflexes work faster than other brain functions, generally).
So there we have it. I have NO idea if I'm just noticing it more because of camping or what, but it sure does seem like it's never happened before and now, all of the sudden, it's happening all the time. *shrug* Bizarre.

Finally some sleep!

So the Valarian root blend that my chiropractor gave me worked like a charm! Well... not a total charm.. I still woke up a few times, but nothing like before! I actually got a decent amount of sleep, and my dreams were much more normal. Phew!

Today we went to the State Fair. Good times. :) I'm exhausted (and didn't get burnt! Whoo! Three cheers for healthy sunscreen!)

Tomorrow I'm picking up some friends at the air port in the Bay and giving her car back to here. Then I'm on my own and will hopefully get one this Friday or Saturday at this weekly sale up by the college. What are the chances I can get a decent car for $2,500? Quite unfortunately, it's not a change of season, so chances aren't very good at the moment, but one never knows! (That whole 'chances are good' bit is an inside joke with me and Loon... semi long story.. I'll tell it another time)

BED!

German choir

Rehearsal with the Germans went MUUUUUUCCCHHHH better tonight. PHEW! I actually prepared myself before hand. Though, is it turned out, I didn't go with what I had prepped because there wasn't enough people there. But I was able to fly by my pants as I normally do. The message I had this morning did wonders. :)
I'm actually a little more sore (more like, in pain) tonight than normal. And Marlies (my missus) was saying that that is a good thing... pain LEAVING the body, quite literally. I'll see her again next week.. and I'm seeing Linda on Wednesday. Yay for getting better! Now the platelets need to jump on that band wagon.

I also saw my chiropractor and told him how badly I was sleeping. So he gave me..err... Valerian root? Yes.. That. It has a few other ingredients. Magnesium, passion flower. Hop? I could go get it, but really am being lazy and staying in my room. Anyhow... we'll see how that goes. I hope it helps, even a little is fine cause YIKES. I keep waking up, tossing about.. and having bad dreams. Lots of them having to do with driving (crashing my friends car or wrecking it in some way... getting into accidents. Ugh *eye roll* I wonder how long this will last)

Sum up update

• The musical (Forbidden Broadway) ended today. Good run. Everyone did great. Now for Cabaret :)

• Back is about the same for the past few days.. but at least that 'same' is better than it was. Tomorrow I'll get another message and chiropractic adjustment. And then CS on Wednesday. Then we'll see where I'm at. The cream the doc gave me I think is also helping... it's kind of like icy hot, but not as intense.. and cooler ingredients. Also, my hpathy cocktail helps too.
  

• I have a lot more red dots everywhere. I think if I was to check my count, it'd be in the low 20's. I don't think I'll check.... It's so hard to not just completely give up all hope at this point. I really thought it was going to start going up.
  

• My right ear started hurting... like... ear infection hurt. How lame is that. I'm currently typing this with my head tilted sideways with some homemade remedy resting in the canal. (Equal parts water, vinegar, and rubbing alcohol). If it's an outer ear infection, this will do the trick.. if it's middle ear.. I'm not sure. Maybe April has something for that, cause I really don't like putting antibiotics in there. Deafness is a small chance side effect, and that is not for me thank you very much.

• I need to start prepping more for German choir. Last weeks rehearsal was terrible not only from my loss of focus, but also cause I wasn't prepared. Tomorrow shall be different. (Plus I need to arrange a piece for them. Okay.. I don't NEED to.. but I want to.)

• Sleep has been TERRIBLE. Just flat out, plan ol' awful. And it didn't help last night that this black cat that has been terrorizing all the other cats came into my room and got Zoe all riled up. (We were leaving the door cracked to the outside for her at night.... Not any more!) But yeah.. sleep. So bad. Can't get comfortable, and dreams are wired. Last night had spiders in it.
• Which.. on a slightly different note... Since coming back from camping, I keep finding baby spiders (or little ones, at least) on me! It's crazy! I've found at least 10.. at LEAST. Where and why, I do not know.

• Trying to find a car, sucks.

No training for a bit

My trainer told me we would cancel our sessions until my back is doing better. *pout* I NEED to get stronger, cause that would certainly help things, but how do I do it when I hurt?!?! Talk about a paradox. Or at least a conundrum at best.
Also... sleep is TERRIBLE. I keep tossing and turning at night, and my dreams are vague and wired. Two nights ago it was frustrating... literally, that was the theme. Just..everything I did was frustrating. I was looking for something and couldn't find it. I couldn't say what I needed to, or really express what I needed to.
And last night's theme was all about driving and getting a new car.... Someone was offering me this tiny two seater (almost one seat!) car for $6,000. That came up because I got a settlement from the claims adjuster. $1,500. Which isn't bad, of course. I doubt I could ever sell the car for that much... but really.. What on earth can I buy with that?! Nothing, is the answer. So I'm not sure what to do, cause I can't afford car payments. Why do I have a feeling I've ranted about this already?......

HPathy for back pain, newcomer to the arsenal, best CS EVER

As well as getting a homeopathic cream for my back from my doc, I just got a cocktail in the mail today from April, which I promptly put into water, shook, and sipped. It definitely helps with the pain, but the tightness is still there. :P
HOWEVER...
Today I saw my message therapist, who was rockin' awesome! And I will most certainly see her again (on Monday) and am adding her to my arsenal list of doctors/practitioners.

Oh! And I had a CS session on Tuesday..... bar non the coolest one I've had yet. At one point, all of the sudden, I was in this room.... like a living room/home library. Two maroon couches faced each other, with a lamb skin blanket on the floor between them (and I was laying on that). A warm fire gently cracked in the brick fireplace in front of me. A man stood to one side, holding an old fashion wooden pipe in his mouth.
I was only there for a few moments (long enough to notice all that).. and then only halfway made it back to reality, so to speak... I honestly had NO idea where I was or what was happening for a good 5 - 10 seconds before finally realizing Linda was holding my head and I was in the middle of a CS session. HA! WILD! I told her about it after and she commented how the sessions allow people to get to a dream like state without being asleep.. you can really access your unconscious that way. And funny enough, I think I recognized the room. When I first read Body of Health, one of the meditations is to picture yourself in a safe place (It had a specific name.... that I can't remember at the moment). I remember trying to NOT let my own concepts interfere and just let whatever comes to me, come. A few different places came to mind.. and that was one of them... But I think my concept snuck in anyway, cause I ended up choosing somewhere different. Needless to say, I think I'll picture that room from now on... and it'll be interesting to see where all this goes.
Interesting... quite interesting.

Platelets and fixing

Platelets = 28
I'm trying not to be disappointed... My Doctor was actually tickled pink that they seemed stable through the car accident. I told him I thought they might have been higher, and he agreed that that very well could have been true. (And mom said there are worse things than a low count.. like an unstable mood. (She noticed my mood has been swinging for some time now. UPs and then DOWNs.... And lately it's been nice a stable. I didn't really notice until the other day when she pointed it out to me. Groovy.))
As for my back, he gave me a conglomeration of arnica and company. I mixed that, along with a higher potency of arnica and my constitutional into a water bottle and 'sip and shake' it through the day. That has helped a bit.
Tomorrow I'll see my chiropractor.
Wednesday is a message therapist (whom my Doctor highly recommended). She sounded really cool over the phone (German, as well... which doesn't really mean anything, just an interesting side note)
Hopefully this will all resolve itself in a timely manner. Cause I don't take pain killers.. and I'm not a fan of being in pain.... ssooooooooo...

Germain Choir was tonight. And I had one hell of a time focusing! I was chatting with April earlier today, and she asked me how my focus was and at the time I thought it was fine... well I take that back! Yikes! I just wanted to say, "Okay. We're done. I can't think." However, I somehow managed to trudge through... albeit poorly. At least we got something done, so it wasn't all for not. *facepalm* I felt like a fool, even if I was the only one who noticed.

CBC on it's way and $$ rant

Really though.. I know I shouldn't get excited. I can tell it's not up by that much.. in fact, the past day or two I've been lightheaded on standing, which means down. I'm sure the stress of the accident didn't help either. :P
Speaking of accident, my back still hurts. Oddly enough, it's fine when I wake up...but then once I get up and start moving around, then it starts hurting. So by the end of the day, it's no fun. I called my chiropractor (who is closed during the weekends), and left a message. Hopefully he'll get back to me tomorrow.
And I have NO idea what I'm going to do about getting a new car. (And by 'new' I mean new to me... but not to this world). My old car wasn't worth much, so I doubt I'll get much from the settlement. I'm in debt from tuition already, and can't afford to make car payments. I will never be able to leave Sacramento at this rate. I want to travel, damn it!!! Not pay off a crap ton of debt! BAH! School and cars.. they WILL be the death of me.

Injury claim time, apparently.. Boo.

When I first got hit, I thought I was okay.. besides the headache. The next day I had a stiff neck/mid back... but it wasn't really painful, just sore and stiff. And the next day it was healing, so I thought, "Okay.. I'm groovy."
However, yesterday morning my right side started hurting (Neck/back/shoulder area).. and today is no better. :( It HURTS... and this isn't any kind of good pain. I was hoping my session with Nick would strengthen it..but now I'm not sure what to do. I should see I doctor, is what I should do.
*Le sigh* More phone calls and dealing with insurance. Ugh. I hope it's not a long, painful process (no pun intended). I'm a piano play, dagnabit! I can't have back pain! BAH!

Training again and CST to the rescue

I met with Nick again today... which marks our round 2 of five training sessions. He kicked my butt all royal, but I managed to stick with it all the way. PHEW! Now the key is to work out in between our sessions so I IMPROVE. That's the key word here... improvement.
I really really really want to go to the classes there, but I need to get up to do it! Since it's not technically required of me, it's harder for me to go. *facepalm* Excuses excuses. Yoga at 10am tomorrow... really though, I should go.

I also met with Linda, my CST. I told her about the car accident and she was really glad I came in to see her so soon after (and me too!). Right after the accident, I was trying to clear things, but having a hell of a time with it... Everything seemed scrambled and discombobulated. But thank goodness for Linda! As soon as she put her hands on me things started moving and clearing. Aaahhhh if felt good, and I felt worlds better after. I'll meet with her again next week cause we still have some things to work out; mainly whatever this thing is that's in my throat. It hurts. It's annoying. I want it gone.

No CBC yet... I'm waiting for the nurses to call me back letting me know that the order is ready for me to pick up. :P Come on nurses! Hopefully they'll call me tomorrow, cause I want to know, dagnabit!

July 4th maddness

Here's the story:
Morning starts off just fine. Good breakfast. A quick visit with Sarah. Get some hpathy motion sickness remedy from Eliots. Head out; on my way to the Bay! Sailing here we come!.....
Traffic starts to slow down. I, like a good driver, slow down with it. The girl behind me, however, had different plans. *wry look* I heard the SCREEEEEECH, and then my car leaped forward with a terrible crunch sound. A quick side note here: Many times I have pictured myself in scenarios and then thought it through...reenacting, if you will. This is actually one of them. And the first thing to do is to STOP THE CAR from hitting the car in front you. And that's exactly what I did. It was the very first thing that went flying through my head as I was flying through the air. As soon as my feet where back on the floor and hands on the wheel, I slammed on my breaks and missed hitting the truck in front of me by a foot. PHEW! *forehead wipe* I felt okay.. but you know how wrecks go.. You don't really know if you're okay till the next day.
-Skipping the boring waiting around, info exchange-
My friends are amazing, and waited for me for sailing (two of them picked me up off the side of the freeway), and my super awesome dad waited with my dying car for the tow truck.
So now I'm back on track for my fun Fourth of July.... an interesting beginning, to say the least. I started getting a headache once we got back on the road, and of COURSE I'm thinking: PLATELETS! Everything happened so fast, it was hard to say how hard I whacked my head on the rebound. Luckily, I had a veggie tray with me, and I started scarfing the celery in it (thinking I didn't have any Arnica on me). When we stopped for gas, I went hunting through my backpack, and as it turns out, past Kate was on top of things, and had her Arnica in there! Whoo! So I took some, to be on the safe side (as it turns out, I got three minor bruises.... they undoubtedly would have been worse had I not taking it). In the end, I'm totally okay.. just a stiff neck that's healing with each day

The rest of the day went smashingly! Sailing was fantastic and we watched the Berkeley fireworks from the water (we could see the entire Bay area fireworks, actually.. but we were directly under Berkeley's.) I only got a few pics before my phone died, unfortunately (most of it's juice was used up making phone calls after the accident). The remedy I got for motion sickness worked like a charm! (It was a mix of Nux Vomica, Tubacum, and two others I can't remember). I started feeling a tad sick, so I popped that in my mouth along with a bit of ginger and BAM, good to go for the rest of the day. (Ginger is also amazing, and I purposely brought a bunch for anyone else who might feel sick (from Trader Joe's... dried and lightly sugared. STRONG stuff!))
To get home, one of my good friends let me use her car (since she would be gone for a few weeks). There you have it! Craziest 4th of July to date, bar none.

And on a totally different note, I'll be getting a CBC soon. Hopefully Friday! WHOO! Can't wait! I'm reeeaaaaally hoping for 40's. My goodness that would be amazing... I honestly might scream if that happens. But we'll see! No breath holding allowed.

Re-dose round....er.... 4?

Took my remedy again this morning. Doing pretty well... though for some reason my left leg is totally cramping. Not sure what that's all about.
Tomorrow (er...today, I guess) will rock socks. But first... bed! (Stayed up chatting with Sarah... hence the lateness of it all)

Sailing, training, and piano playing

So much has happened.. let's see... I wouldn't have to think back if I actually kept up here! HA! Anyway...
....er....

I had a gig last Friday where I had to fake my way through Bach's Brandenburg Concerto (no.5), third movement. OY. FAST. Everyone seemed to enjoy it, despite my desperate groping to stay alive through the whirling eighth and sixteenth notes.
I also got some extra cash for writing out some violin parts for The Prayer. Thank you comp lessons!... it comes in handy.
And afterward, I came to the conclusion that I REALLY need some legit piano lessons. So I emailed an old friend/professor, and I'm going to get some from him. :)

I got a homemade recipe from a friend for some sun screen. I either need to make it, or just buy some at the heath food store, cause this is the third time in the past two weeks that my face has gotten burnt. Oy! And I'll be going sailing again on July 4th, so I need it by then. (And yes.. that's right.. I will be DIRECTLY under the fireworks out on the Bay. It will be awesometasic)

My last session with my trainer on Tuesday didn't last as long as it normally does. It had been a month since I have seen him last, and I was not in the shape I had been in. Ugh. Needless to say, I got a little sick to my stomach. :P So I decided to keep going with him, and signed up for 5 more sessions. I opened up a little more with him, and I think that helped both of us out... me for motivation, and him to see where I'm really at. Should be good, and get some results.

I'm going to do a 7 day raw food challenge...Brought to you by the creators of the Renegade Health Show. SUCH a great website. From the blog today, here's 6 great tips to improve your health:
1. Take a 24-48 hour Internet break.
2. Take a hike in a park you’ve never been to before.
3. Do a one day juice fast.
4. Eat a head of lettuce every day.
5. Go to an exercise class you haven’t been to before (or haven’t been to in a while.) 6. Do a vision board for your own health.
(This is something I need to do often!!! Especially the bit about an internet break....)

The musical I'm playing for is doing well. I am in DESPERATE need for a regular back message... my numb spot is not getting better on it's own, and will most likely only get worse unless I work these knots out!

Speaking of knots, I love sailing. :) And I can't WAIT till my count get's higher, cause no matter how I try, I get bruises when we go out. (It's inevitable) I'm getting a little discouraged, cause it's still not up yet. It's not like a really mind all that much.. I certainly just go on living my life with "low platelets" in the back of my mind. However, getting bruises means blood vessel damage. And some of these bruises leave what I have now deemed as "shadow bruises." Which is: once the bruise is healed, a shadow of it is left behind..and still hurts a tinsy tiny bit. It seems quite unnatural, and slightly disconcerting... They go away eventually, but not for months after the initial heal. So I don't like to get bruises, cause it seems like they never really truly heal, and I'm worried that if I keep getting them, I'll cause some serious damage to my blood vessels over time. :( Hard to say... hard to know... But dang it all, I won't stop sailing! I'm slowly getting better at it, and learning more and more each time we go out. :) I'm starting to remember all the terms (and there are LOTS of them), and Leo started teaching me the names of all the different kind of boats and more technical stuff. LOVE IT!
I'll get a CBC next week, but I can tell, it's still low. I'm guessing in the 30's. Bah! Am I missing something!? Is there one more piece to this puzzle that I don't know about? Come mid July it will be 5 months since starting hpathy. And I know the rule is: the longer you've been sick, the longer it takes to heal... And for sure I've had ITP for 6 years...(maybe MUCH more... not sure on that one, and impossible to find out). Maybe for every year of being sick, it's a month of healing? That would be nice. Then that would mean I'm close to the end.... or at least closer. Come on platelets! You can do it! (Hmm.. maybe I should cheer my body on..rather than my platelets..since they are the byproduct of my bodies functioning.... Let's go body, let's go! Hey hey!) Maybe my missing piece is just getting to my optimal weight and fitness level.. cause I'm not there yet, to be sure. Ugh! How many years upon years have I been saying this? Will it finally change? Man I hope so. My life and health depend on it.

And I just had to add this photo... It's in SF.. the STEEPEST street I've ever walked on. I'm pretty sure cars aren't allowed to drive on it, and with GOOD reason.

Camping, hiking, adventuring

Wow... so I've been doing things!
Camping was all kinds of fantastic. I slept outside two nights (and the last was with Sarah in her tent...I must admit..it was nice to be warmer). We went out on the lake on a friends raft and paddled about... and hiked all the way around the next day. Enjoyed each others company. Nothing that really sticks out, but just a good time. MUCH better than last year, to be sure.

Then the next weekend was a visit to Sarah in the Bay (great time chatting in the jacuzzi). And then Sunday was backpacking in Tahoe. WOW! 1.3 mile hike ALL UP HILL. And we're not talking about some steady slight incline...I mean this sucker was steep! And halfway through, the trail was covered in snow in batches. :D We pitched our tents by a small lake, with the place to ourselves. No moon at night, so the dark sky was littered with stars.
Sleep was a little funky to say the least. It was 35 degrees out for starters, plus the tent I was in was on a slant.. so I kept sliding off my mat and bumping into my friend (who slept like a rock, apparently). But once it warmed up a bit in the early morning, I slept better, and had the most amazing dream I've had to date.
I can't remember any details, but I was falling in love with a man.. and he was going to be my husband. It was the first time ever that a dating/marriage type of dream wasn't just awkward and wrong feeling. (Normally, I ALWAYS feel uncomfortable, and thinking things like, "This isn't right..something is wrong." But not this time.) It was just wonderful and I was so in love with him. I don't remember his name, or what he looked like. I recall thinking that he reminded me a bit of my brother, and that's it. *sigh* I'm lonely and longing for a man...if you couldn't guess.
Moving on...
The next day we hiked up the face of a mountain. No joke. The trail was totally covered in snow so we couldn't really find it (there were patches of earth..but randomly...). We knew the general direction we want to go (up and over the summit), and we just blazed our own trail. Awesome is not an adequate word. There were bushes growing out everywhere where there wasn't snow, so we tried to hike through them as much as possible, hoisting ourselves upward by grabbing hold of them and pulling ourselves along.
The top was just a breath taking view... LOTS of snow, so we could keep hiking (which would have just killed us anyway..since we weren't use to hiking with packs). So we blazed our way back down the way we came... and with even more riotous laughter and fun. I basically skied down the snowy parts on my feet. We all fell at least twice. I only got one bruise! And that was from scrapping a twig nub from a tree I was skirting past.
Then we hiked to Eagle lake, had lunch, and went home. I think we did a total of 4 miles hiking... maybe 5 hours? (SO much uphill madness!)

I'm against funky sunscreen lotion, so I didn't have any protection and wound up with a bit too much sun (so much for no tan lines this summer!).

And today we went sailing! Averaged about 25 knots. GREAT day. And got even more sun on my face... oy! I am RED. I put some Arnica Cream on it..hopefully that helps.

The tension in my throat is still there.. and seemingly pops up at random times. Every time it does I try to figure out the 'why' but never can. I think I'm just so lonely. And I hate how desperate I am for a man... I feel like nothing good can come out of desperation. It seems like once I can let go and be at peace..THAT'S when I'll find him. Ugh catch 22.
PLUS I don't think I am in the shape that he would want me to be in... and I hate how over weight I am. It's not deathly obese, but it IS unhealthy.. and for some reason I'm having one hell of a time trying to get myself in order! Good grief what's wrong with me. *facepalm*

I've decided to take some piano lessons from Joe... good ol' fashion legit piano lessons. I'm excited about that, and hope to goodness it's not to late for me to learn proper technique. We'll see!

And I'm thinking about getting another kitty for Zoe. She seems to be taking to waking me up at unearthly hours of the morning to play. She needs a playmate. Seriously.

Okay.. I think that's an update. Sailing pics some other time... Bed calls.