The workshop itself was all about embodiment and feeling, well, everything, in the body. Pleasure. Pain. Everything in between. It was intense...and a very different kind of intense than the Deida workshop (for me, at any rate). The Deida intensive was like diving into a deep, clear, cool lake... This was like face-planting into a quagmire. Pretty much everything that I deeply struggle with came bubbling to the surface, and all the "negative" (or rather, unloving) parts of me were exposed. Phew. Rough. But awesome. Here are some of my take-a-ways:
- I'm learning there is no such thing as 'right' and 'wrong'...everything just is. It is exactly as it should be. No more, no less. Everything I feel, everything that arises... it just...is.
- I have a few new tools/practices I can do to help feel pleasure in my body.
- I have a deeper appreciation for stillness, silence, and the art of listening.
- My understanding of what it means to be embodied has expanded.
- I DO have passion in my body, and I AM passionate about things... I just haven't been feeling them. (Been too busy suppressing things)
It rained nearly the whole time! Lightening, thunder, and HUGE fat rain drops. It was fantastic.
After it ended (around 6pm), I decided to stay one more night and then drive home in the morning. And boy was I SO glad I did! About 30 minutes later, it started raining again...POURING! And it was warm and humid.... So of course, I dressed in something that made me feel sexy and comfortable, and went for about an hour long walk... strolling around Ojai, just looking at different shops and things and letting my feet take me where they want to go. I got soaked, and it was wonderful.
A homeless man came up to me at one point, clearly impressed and intrigued that someone else was walking around without an umbrella. The conversation went roughly like this, sans the mumbling:
Guy: How many versions of Tombstone have you seen?
Me with a smile: Oh many.
Guy gives me a thumbs up, clearly pleased with my answer. I chuckle and continue walking as he continues walking the other way. Then he mumbles something, so I come back to him with a "huh?"
Guy: You are the sexiest woman I've ever seen!
Me: Oh! (And I laugh) Thank you! (And then start walking again)
Guy: Great day for gettin' married..
I turn back toward him, laughingly lightheartedly.
Guy: You've got great birthing hips!!
I must say...most straightforward advance I've ever encountered. Heh.
Then I encountered another man, in his 20's I think, also walking without an umbrella and carrying a pack of beers. He was also enjoying the fact that I was umbrella-less.... it was like being in some unspoken club. We exchanged brief conversation, and then continued on.
Then I stopped by a market, got some food for the evening and the drive home. On the walk back to my car with my grocery bag on my hip, a middle-aged man pulls his car over and calls out to me, VERY concerned, "Do you need a ride??" I laughed and smiled, "No. I'm enjoying this! Thank you!"
Once I got back to the hotel, I was about to explode with feelings...I could hardly take it. I was loving the rain , humidity, and the adventure, but totally missing having company to share it with. And then just everything from the workshop. It was too much...so I very intentionally watched some T.V and pursued facebook. I think that was the first time I was so deliberate with my "checking out" media time. It was nice.
And of course, the drive back was glorious. I listened to Game of Thrones.... now I want to see the show. *facepalm*
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