Leaving

Welp....all my bags are packed up and in my car. The only thing left is a deep issue massage at noon (and I'm very excited about it. It'll be from the same guy who I had the cranial sacral session with). I've got rehearsal tonight at First Cov (aka: River City Christian)...so I'll be hitting the ground running, so-to-speak. I wonder how different I look now. I weighed 124.8 this morning (it seems my weight balanced out there...which is groovy). I don't really feel like I look that much different, but I suppose I'll find out when people see me.

One thing different from last time is you can place a meal order to go! So they're packing me lunch and dinner. This is me....being very excited about that. :-)



Yesterday I FINALLY had enough energy to go to the grave yard and walk around. I no longer feel like I can't breath when I stand, so that's encouraging. (yes....too many double negatives there...but I'm rolling with it). I remembered the grave yard being beautiful and peaceful, but I had forgotten just how increddibly beautiful it was. Breath taking. And the leaves were brown and dying, and the sky was cloudy, and a slight breeze was blowing. It's like Autumn just *poof!* arrived on the scene.



This time just flew by suddenly! At first it was soooooo slow...but here we are now.... totally done and leaving in a few hours. There was so much I got out of this time and I'm so glad I came. Besides a good ol' fashion hardcore detox, I also discovered that I might have a sensitivity to grains...or at least oats. I need to experiment now. AND I had a great revelation on how much I've grown and changed...how I've cultivated my feminine. Just be interacting with people (espeically the men), I see how my energy effects them positively and I see my reflection in their eyes...and it's a new me. I had this old concept of who I was.... small, a fake, insignificant, not worth people's time, etc..... just a lot of negative stuff. And then, seemingly all of the sudden, that's not the case at all.... I know it never was the case to begin with, but now I actually see it and feel it. A powerful sense of worth. It was almost like being at a workshop it was so potent for me.

Day 12: Get the raw on!

This morning's weight: 123.2  (yeah....buddy)

Today I braved a small bowl of fruit...and it went very well. :-) It's the small things, ya know? Then lunch consisted of some leftover blended zucchini mixed with salad stuff from the bar. I would have added a small bit of potato, but non was out. Maybe it's for the best...... Maybe it's for dinner instead? ;-)

My moon time started today..which is exciting...cause I could feel it coming for DAYS and just wanted to it come and be here. The only slight problem is this: my last urine sample showed a little bit of blood....nothing to be concerned about, and not abnormal for fasters. But since I'm eating now, there shouldn't be any. Well.... tomorrow is "pee day" but since I'm bleeding, then for SURE there will be blood in my sample. *facepalm* My solution is to take a shower, rinse off rrreeeeeeaaaaalllly well, and then quickly pee in the cup. Hopefully that works. We'll see.

End day 11.... hmmmmm

So the zucchini didn't sit well. Well....not that it didn't sit well. More like...it felt like it was getting stuck in my throat and stomach. It was painful and uncomfortable. So I called the intern and he went and blended it up for me, and changed my days order to all blended. It was SO much food! With every single cup I only drank half.... so now there's a pile of cups in the fridge. Hehe. But at least it went down just fine. Tomorrow I get raw......so we'll see how that goes.

Last night I tried to lay out under the stars again...but one of the guys here was talking my ear off and I just couldn't hang around. He was creating so many excuses for himself and has this strange twitchy kind of energy. Too much. Too draining. So I went to my room, relaxed, and finished writing a post for bookstory. A good way to end the night.

Day 11... Squash and Zucchini

Last night (before bed), I hung out outside with Shaun and chatted for quite a while...till about 9:30pm. It finally got too cold for me, so I went to bed and pretty much fell asleep right away. And sleep I did....all through the night!! It was GLORIOUS! Finally....a full nights sleep..so restful.

C & L were in my dream....and I was on the Bay Bridge when someone had planted bombs on it at some particular section (not the whole thing)...I ran for it and jumped just as the second went off, and then that section collapsed...  Strange.

Now it's 8:00am..... I've been awake since 7:00....just lying here, enjoying the coooool morning air wafting through my window. The docs haven't done their morning rounds yet..but I need to remember to ask them if the squash is brought to me, or if I just get it at the bar...and what time my chiropractic appointment is.

That's it for now. So nice to be feeling human again. *cue Beauty and the Beast song*

Day..er.....10... AKA: Juice!

Well now.... my energy just kept going down hill, and I couldn't really look at my computer screen for very long without getting a headache...so it was difficult to update.

2 days ago (day 8) I saw the cranial sacral therapist here. It was a GREAT session, and it helped open my heart back up again (sometime after the David Deida workshop, it closed up hard and I have to struggling to open it). I didn't have a huge cry, but nice little one. Very therapeutic and grounding. Just what I needed.

The past few days have been beastly hot...which I think was contributing to my lack of energy and overall sense of blah. So I would wait and go out in the evening and just lay down on one of the retractable lounge chairs..and watch the dusk turn into night. It was healing and helpful.

Yesterday (day 9) was one of the hardest (next to day 2)... I was so ready to be done and getting very frustrated with being unable to stand for more than a minute...which started taking it's toll and my legs have been very restless while I trying to sleep.

So today I get juice! I asked for watermelon/celery for the first juice....but I think the intern might have put it into the system wrong....cause so far...that's ALL I've been getting. Heh. I suppose it's not a bad thing. :-)

I'm still very weak, but at least I can stand for about 3-5 minutes without wanting to collapse. Each day will get better!! I'm very glad now that I didn't extend the fast one more day...I'm going to leave on Wednesday and need to be able to hit the ground running when I get back...with rehearsals and gigs and all that fun jazz.

Day 7.. a tad better.

Today's starting weight: 125.8! Whee!!

I was too out of it yesterday to write. Phew. And didn't sleep great to boot. But! I seem to have a bit more energy today.... I had labs drawn at 8am, and then lied out in the cool morning air. Chatted with Nike for quite a bit, then went to the cooking demo at 10am. Yes... it was torturous......but I learned some cool things to take home with me (and that was the point). Nike and I sat in the back so the smell wouldn't be super powerful. Dear Lord...it smelled amazing.

Then I went back outside and chatted via text with Sarah... But once the aromas from the kitchen started getting too strong, I just had to leave. It smelled like pizza... PIZZA! For crying out loud. So incredible. Well anyway... I only have two days left after this... I've made it this far... I can make two more days.



Side note: detox body odor is RANK!!!! And shows up 5 minutes after washing.... there's no winning with this one.

End of day 5...still can hardly stand...

So I still can't really stand for very long without feeling like I can't breathe.... BUT.. I can sit and lay down noooooo problem. Well....I can sit for longer than I can stand... and I can lay down for as long as I want..So that's what I did all day...and I did most of it outside. :-) You know..it's perfect weather here ALL THE TIME!!! So it's easy to be outside. (We're suppose to get some sun, but not much...hence, I spent most of my time in the shade)

Today, Henry and I sat and talked for the longest we've done yet.... I like maybe 4 or 5 hours, judging on meal times (ehhh...that makes sense to me, if no one else...) We've have such wonderful conversations that jump all over the place... naturally, we always end up talking about music at least twice during the perpetual exchange. He has such amazing stories! I could seriously listen to him for hours on end. And it was nice to see how my feminine presence was refreshing him. Good stuff, all the way around.

Can't forget to pee in my cup tomorrow morning! (Mondays......)