Still working out the balance

Weight and health wise, I was doing really good there for a while... but on Robs birthday I ate too much sugar, and that off set things. More bruises, and I'm having a hard time getting things into balance again. Thankfully, work is almost done... and then I can really focus on exercise and getting things together.  Carver's graduation is less than two weeks away (including their final concert).

I forgot to blog when I took another dose of the 1M Gal. Phos (about three weeks ago)..... but it didn't seem like it did anything. I'm pretty sure sugar has a LOT to do with it... and the rest is me needing to work out all the emotional crap that's been trapped and built up over the years.... and learning to love all the "wrong" parts of myself.

Besides that, things are great. This past holiday weekend was the most productive weekend EVER. I pulled out all the vines in the backyard (though the roots still need digging out)... put up the curtain rod in the backroom, and started cleaning the garage (and built the tool chest).

I've been dreaming more again, which is quite nice... I feel like a sleep better. Though of course I don't remember them... Though I remember I had another alien dream.... But can't recall what happened...

Okay... I'm house sitting and just hanging out now. Time to go home and keep cleaning. :)

Wildest. Dream. Ever

The beginning of this is reeeeaaaaallly hard to explain.... but it basically felt like I was moving through time and space.. like I was floating and everything was whizzing past me. And I was aware of what was going on in terms of dreaming and being asleep, but also aware that I wasn't exactly sure what was going on. At one point I was on a table, and lights were shinning in my face and it was hard to see... but then I saw an alien... And then thought to myself, "Seriously?.... I'm being abducted or something? Seriously?... This is really happening?" I wasn't scared.... more like really amused and wanted to *facepalm* at the same time.
Then I was passed out on a floor....slowly waking up. It was very dark, with no lights at all in the room I was in... But I could see a HUGE rocket engine out side a large window to my right and thought, "Am I on a rocket ship?? Is it about to take off?" But then I stand up, and the engine tilts, and I look forward and see this absolutely enormous window... and then I see a little over half the earth as the ship I'm in tilts down...and there was lots of space and stars around as well... and other large space ships. Yeah.. I was on a huge alien space craft... looking down at the planet. It. Was. Incredible. It felt so real and was just amazing to see... So totally wild, I really just don't have the words to explain it. I'd like a continuation of that dream. :)

On a totally different note, I need to write in my journal more.... There are some things that have come to fruition that I would have TOTALLY forgotten about if I hadn't of written them down. :) Really cool stuff. :)

M1 for the win?... We'll see....

Got my 1M in the mail yesterday and took a dose in the evening... so we'll see what happens! (I banged my elbow the other day as we were madly cleaning the house and getting it ready for a dinner party, and it left a typical nasty purple bruise... but seems to be healing faster than normal... So my count doesn't seem like it's out of the low 30's yet, but at least it's not lower than that (or at least that's my guess on the matter)).

Life is still fantastic. :) All my jobs are going well, and the school year is almost over. I love teaching, but I am REALLY looking forward to a break! (A looooong break!!) I'm loosing all but 2 of my choir kids at Carver... so that'll be interesting. I reeeaaalllly need to have Freshmen and Sophomores in this group, or it will never improve or reach the potential that it could be.

Impromptu (and informal) photo shoot

Things are going great with Scott and Steph, and it's great to be so open about it... And to have so much support from everyone! (even if they don't quite understand how it could work...or why). Everyone is commenting on how great I look and wondering how much weight I've lost... which is interesting, cause I've only lost about 5 lbs (It was more..but I gained a little back....whoops!).  But it's not just weight loss... it's just my whole well-being has changed (for the better). Even my periods are totally dead on regular and I bleed a LOT less! Soooooooo nice to have normal periods!!



I was reading back through old posts, and saw that last year (around this time), I had a feeling that something was coming...but didn't know what. And low and behold, only a few months later..look who I meet! Interesting...... This is why I like having a blog....cause I had totally forgotten about that! Of course.. it only works if I actually write in the blog. *facepalm*. But being super busy is a good thing... I'm feeling very productive, accomplished  and..well... am making money! (Though owing $2,500 on taxes was NO fun. No fun at all)

Why are fireworks going off outside? This is the second night not.... and there is nothing going on holiday wise... At least not that I know of.....

Count up just a bit..... with no h-pathy.... And life :)

Last Wednesday I checked my count cause I wanted a starting number before I took a 1M of my remedy. And my platelets were at 27!!! (Which is pretty good from where it's been.... I think being strict with NOT eating gluten helped). I had stopped the LM all together cause I felt so DUMB and out of it, I could hardly take it.
As it turns out.... I only had 200C.... so I took that, and am trying to order the 1M (though the site is not working when I click on it....and I'm not sure why.....)

On a totally different note, pretty much everyone I know is exclaiming how happy and different and wonderful I look. :) And I'd say about 90% of the folks I know support my new found life and living situation. My mom was pretty upset at first, but she's coming around.... and dad was totally fine (and not surprised, apparently.. which I find awesome and hilarious).
My life is really coming into balance ...on every level....and it feels great! Now if only my platelets would get on board!

Giving up

I think I've given up on H-pathy. Every time I dose, I feel dumb and unbalanced ...so I don't want to dose any more.... And then I think to myself, "Like it was doing any good anyway..."
It's been over two years since I started..... And on Monday it'll be three years since being diagnosed.
I'm tired. I'm tired of trying and getting nothing. I'm tired of hoping and waiting and getting nothing. My count was the same as it was when I started....the same as it was three years ago. There's no up and down swing.... it's just... down. Three years of low platelets.... three years of not being able to do everything I want to do because of that. Three YEARS. How much longer can I take this? I don't want to give up...but I'm just so tired of it. I'm exhausted.... mentally.... emotionally. Everyday I think about my platelets. Every fucking day...and that's not exaggerating.
This rant feels very drama high school..... but it's how I'm feeling right now.. so there. :P

Proving perhaps?

So I took the LM3 twice and felt dumb as a brick..... and once I stopped, it seemed to help. (I also stopped eating gluten....which is a for sure no no now.... And it might have been a contributing factor). It certainly seemed like my count went up after I stopped...but I couldn't check due to my doctor being out of the office for the week. But now I'm not so sure, cause I found a purple bruise on my arm. I went a week without dosing (cause I didn't want to get dumb again), and then re-dosed last night..... Which I kind of feel like it pulled my count down.
I don't know what to do... I feel SO not on point these days. Dosing.. Not dosing... It doesn't seem to make the biggest difference... I'm perpetually dumb now. :P

And on a different note, Jackson has a BUNCH of fur ripped from his legs. The poor boy. I have no idea what happened... I went over to my folks place and mom and I cleaned him up and trimmed some of his hair to help him heal. He'll live....but it'll be a painful healing process. It all left me with this really strange feeling....sad....upset....unsure. It's hard to explain... I hope the week goes uphill from here....

LM3!

Perfect timing getting my LM3..... let's see how this works out now.

I've been noticing more recently that everything is a bit wonky (mentally). My vision is definitely worse.... memory recall is WAY more difficult... When I'm typing, sometimes I'll skip typing out words (though I'm thinking them in my head). The memory recall is the one that sticks out to me... It's kind of scary, actually. Coming up with names of people, movies, events...it's all much slower... It's like I need to de-frag my brain... Maybe having such low platelets for so long is taking it's toll (I've always wondered if that was a possibility....) I don't know.... I feel like there's something I need to do or say... or some piece of the puzzle is still missing. I STILL feel sick to my stomach....and that last episode was almost a week ago..... Everything keeps getting stuck in my system! BAH! What do I need to do?! This is bang your head against the wall maddening.