Water Fast round THREE!

Whelp... here we are again! True North. My home away from home. The last time I was here (which was also nearly the last time I blogged here) it was helpful for the vomiting episodes, but unfortunately, they've still been happening, albeit FAR less than beforehand.

A super quick recap of the last year and half:

2016:

• Participated in a dance comp at a huge dance-weekend event
• Shaved the sides and back of my head (to help cultivate my sassy side.... It worked.)
• Went to a David Deida lecture <3 li="">
• Tiled the back patio
• Music directed Anne
• Hiked to the Yuba River several times
• Audition for a musical
• Got a role in said musical (as Fraulein Schneider in Cabaret)
• Sang with the Advanced Vocal Jazz Ensemble at ARC
• Had a guest choir from Germany at our annual concert at the Turn Verein
• Played with Music In The Mountains for New Years. Always a blast.

2017 (Spring semester):

• Went to New Orleans with VJ1 to sing at the Jazz Educators Conference
• Went to Denver with the ARC Theatre to perform Cabaret, compete in the Irene Ryans (as a partner), and participated in the workshops there...and had a marvelous time!
• Participated in a show called Gumbo at ARC and semi music directed it (just sort of happened)
• Baked a BUNCH of awesome stuff
• Music directed Peter Pan and built an amazing boat for it (for ONE scene only.... but it was worth it)
• Learned how to make my own loose-leaf tea
• Decided to go to True North again, since my health still isn't totally with the program

Okay... so now that we're all caught up there...

Here's what's happening now:

I arrived at True North on Saturday, bright and early in hopes that I'd be able to start fasting immediately. However, much to my disappointment, the doctor was VERY nervous about my platelets and fasting for too long. I was confused at first, since she was my doctor the last time and my platelets were exactly the same back then as they are now. But as we continued to discuss the matter, it became clear that she had had a patient with a platelet issue sometime in the past year, and it ended badly. So I understood her trepidation. 

Thus, I got blended soups for the rest of the day (and they were AMAZING. So no complaints here!) and then broth on Sunday. 

The broth is called "therapeutic broth." I have no idea what's in it, but it's basically water with a slight taste, and allows you to sort of fast, but not as deeply. It also has an aftertaste of Triskets. Straight up.... Triskets. No joke.

By the end of Sunday, though, the broth was tasting horrible and I wasn't drinking it, so I got juice instead. And then juice again all day on Monday.

Which brings us to today!

Day 1 of water! 

So far so good. My energy is a little lower now (it's the end of the day), but no headache and no nausea, and I'm hoping it'll stay that way. Hunger pangs are far less than they were a few hours ago, and I'm sure will be totally gone by tomorrow. (She says with such confidence!)

I had a good, deep cry earlier today, as well as one on Sunday...which is one of the big factors as to why I'm here. I have stuffed SO much into my gut (emotionally speaking) over my whole lifetime, and I do believe it's one of the factors for the vomiting episodes... Almost like my belly was brimming full and just couldn't take any more stuffing. So now, as the weight gets shed, there's nowhere for it to hide, and it's coming up and out. :)

I wrote in my private journal that I feel so loved by *me* right now. The last two times I was here, I let myself just chat the days away with the other folk that are here, read some fiction books, and then watch movies/shows at night. But this time, I'm consciously doing inner work, stretching, and making sure to take a few laps around the courtyard...and still manage to get in lots of socializing and movies! It's only been 4 days, and lots of work has already happened. It's a beautiful thing, and I'm the one doing it. No one is holding my hand, guiding me, or telling me what to do or when to do it. I'm fully, completely, taking care of myself and my needs, as well as being mindful to not overdue anything.

Also... I bought a ridiculously sexy swimsuit top to sunbathe in, along with this cute top to go over it. It's one of my new favorite things to wear. (The picture is from Saturday)

With all that being said! Time for some Doctor Who!

Fitness motivation

Last night was my time for dancing (I've never loved Sundays as much as I do now), and it being the last Sunday of the month, it was themed night at Move Studios....and also a late night (which means going till 12:30am).

The theme: Winter Wonderland Black-light

I ended up making my skirt with a SCRAP PIECE OF FABRIC!!! :-D Naturally, that wasn't my original intention, but I always make a "test" version of my skirts before I start cutting into my good fabric (I do this when I'm making up the pattern). However, it just so happened that this scrap piece was the same material I was going to use... and then it just so happened to be the perfect size.... and as I started cutting out the strips, it ended up working perfectly, so I just kept it and now have extra *very* nice fabric to make something else with! Because of this wonderful surprise/shortcut, I then had time to make my little accessories: the arm cuffs, necklace, and feather clips.

I called myself a "Messenger of the Gods"...cause that's what it felt like.

I have never in my life received so many complements on an outfit. It turned out exactly how I wanted and was dead sexy for dancing in. And it's the easiest pattern possible. NO SEWING... just cutting.
Needless to say... I'll be making more of these beauties.
(It looks pretty good in the light, but looks incredible in black light)


Okay....I derailed from what the original point of this post was...which is:

I can hardly move this morning (in a good way) from being so sore. That was a solid 4.5 hours of dancing, and I didn't take a break until three hours in! (Which is a record for me). However, Mission Fusion Extravaganza is 4 nights and 3 days of almost perpetual dancing.... and if I want to make it past the first night, I'm going to have to up my exercise game just a bit. I've been going strong, for sure...but I know me, and I know I can do more. :-D Life just keeps on getting better and better.... I continue to grow. To improve. To further myself emotionally, mentally, and physically.

I can't believe it's only February. It feels like 2015 was a LONG time ago.

Let's do this, 2016!

Vision Board!

For the first time ever, I made myself a vision board, filled with things I want to do/accomplish in 2016 (I like this better than a resolution). It feels different to me, and more importantly: doable. Each goal is hanging on a pearl on the tree, and once I've accomplish said goal, I'll take it down and put it in a "Mission Accomplished" box, and as the year goes on, I can add new goals to the board. I like that it's reusable, and it's quite lovely to look at (I'm a sucker for Autumn...hence the look of the tree and the hanging grapes on either side).

My list of goals for the year:

• Reach a healthy weight/fitness level (approx. 120 lbs)
• Participate in at least one dance competition
• Go to at least one weekend dance retreat
• Hike somewhere you've never been
• Visit at least one place you haven't been to. Ex:
  • Hawaii
  • Yosemite
  • London
  • Scotland
• Compose an orchestral piece like John Williams or Lenord Bernstein
• Compose an origonal choral piece
• Get website up and running
• Write a cookbook
• Write a short musical
• Things I want to purchase:
  • Vocal mic
  • New computer
  • Sibelius

It's not even February yet, and so far, I've already signed up for a dance weekend retreat (and will soon sign up for another!), AND I signed up for a Jack and Jill competition at said retreat. So that's two goals right there....

Also, signing up for this retreat (which is in March) has inspired me to get in shape. I mean, in a way that I haven't before. I signed up for a David Deida talk in April, and that was sort of inspiring to get me fit... but this dance retreat. Oh man. CRAZY inspiring. I'll be dancing Thursday evening, all day Friday, Saturday evening, and all day Sunday. And I want to be FIT so I can dance and dance and dance and dance and really get everything I can out of the weekend. Which leads me to.....

Mission Fitness X

I posted on facebook a challenge/pledge to exercise everyday until the event (though I don't exactly plan to stop once it's over.). My hashtag for it is #MissionFitnessX (since the even is called Mission Fusion Extravaganza). Yesterday was only day 2 for it, but I hadn't gotten a workout in and it was getting rather late. But I had made this commitment to myself, and I didn't want to break it. It felt so good! And I think a portion of that motivation of commitment comes from me practicing to love myself unconditionally. It hasn't been easy, but I am really starting to love myself in a deep and profound way that I've never experienced.

Baking and baking!

Soon.... very soon.... I will get my blog up and running for my baking creations. I'm just having SO much fun with it, and if I make some extra money doing it, great. If I don't, great. It's not why I'm doing it.

And FINALLY...
I finished the mirror!! Mom and I had put up IKEA mirrors (the big 12" x 12" ones) in a would-be "artsy" fashion...but it ended up looking horrible and completely discombobulated. So I searched far and wide on the interwebs and found smaller mirrors to fill the gaps with. It took me forever to start the project, because I was making it very complicated in my head on how to go about doing it. But eventually I sat down and said "fuck it" and just started gluing pieces down and improvised and let happen however it would happen. And it turned out GREAT!

Then, after posting a picture on Facebook, a friend recommended changing the light switch plate to a mirror as well. He gets genus points for that.

Goodbye 2015, Hello 2016!

Somebody around here got reeeeaaalllllly busy. :-) It's a good thing.

The rest of October:

• Zoe left me a dead wolf spider. I made it into a pet for about 3 weeks and posed for pictures. 
• I started cooking/baking more and came up with a killer Asian Orange "Chicken"... gluten, dairy, meat, and oil free. Killer, I tell you.
• And for Halloween, I made a pumpkin pie from scratch. This was my second attempt and much improved... though it still wasn't quite where I wanted it. 

November:

• Annual German Choir Concert:
• I composed a new piece for my German choir... and of course, finished it the week before the concert. It ended up being a tad more difficult for them, but they managed to pull it off, all things considered. We'll do it again in February.
• We invited Stockton again, and they did a fabulous job! 
• It was a good time, and fun was had by all.

• Thanksgiving

• One of my favorite dishes for Thanksgiving is my cousin's broccoli cheese casserole... Unfortunately, it's a dish I can no longer eat because of...well...almost everything that's in it. So I made my own version that's, of course, gluten, dairy, meat, and oil free.... though VERY fatty cause the "cheese" sauce is made with cashews. But wowzers. Tasty. 
• Jess and Leah also made some special foods for the three of us to eat... Corn bread, stuffing, and a "meat" pie. SO incredible.
• And to top it off, I made another cherry chocolate cake, and NAILED it.

December:

This was hands down the busiest I've ever been for December... EVER. For three weeks (almost four) straight I had gigs and rehearsals every day, sometimes a rehearsal, gig, and dress rehearsal all at once. I was running! And it was awesome. 

• BV's Dessert concert was, yet again, a great success. (And ever MORE for me, cause I wasn't throwing up between acts!)
• The Christmas Pageant was just as adorable as ever. 
• Sarah and crew came into town! Of course, I was crazy busy, so I didn't get to see her nearly as much as I wanted... but the time we got to spend together was nice.
• I wrote an arrangement of O Holy Night for the Rancho Cordova Civic Light Orchestra and the River City Christian Choir. It was great to get back in the arranging saddle.... especially for a full orchestra. (It had been a looooooooooong time since writing for that many instruments). The piece was well received by all, and it was nice to be on 
• Did more baking:

• Created a killer banana bread muffin.
• Baked with yeast for the first time ever and made cinnamon rolls....Kate Style, of course. They need a little tweaking, but are damn good thus far, if I do say so myself.
• Had my first New Year's Eve gig... in Grass Valley....with a hilarious drag queen..... and good times were had by all.

This year was almost my first REAL Christmas tree. With solo powered LED lights, and a potted tree (which I plan to plant in the back 40 sometime soon). The only thing missing was my first ornament that Margie gave me....which is now lost in the massive clutter that is Scott's garage (or attic). I'm bummed about that, but I'll just have to get a replacement that represents it...cause there's no way I'm going to find it without massive amounts of looking.... for more than I'm willing to do.

Sarah and Ted got me that giant red ornament hanging on my
keyboard stand... It was too heavy for the tree. 

I ended up getting one more strand of lights that plugged in....because the solar ones only worked when the sun actually came out. *facepalm*

Jess posing with his present from "Santa." This was our first Christmas of
actually doing the Christmas thing.

Showing off the earrings that Leah got me (to bring out my eyes)
I love them.

As Autumn approaches...

Well....it's technically here.... But it doesn't feel like it yet. :-P

Recap!!.....

That deep tissue massage I got the day I left True North was EPIC. BEST massage I've ever hard, hands down. And wow was is deeeeeeeeep..... I felt a little sick to my stomach afterwards and was shaking from the release. *sigh* Clearly I still have a long ways to go in the "toxic" department. If I go visit Ray in November (which I'm thinking I will), then I'll also see if I can schedule an appointment for another delicious massage. :-)

Uncle Tom Videos

We shot two more videos for Uncle Tom...and they were quite entertaining. The best we've done yet. We *tried* to shoot them before I had left for True North, but I ended up throwing up so we postponed till I got back. And we're all glad for it, cause I actually had energy then. 

 Baking Queen!

Since being back, my diet has been totally gluten (actually, ALL grains), dairy, meat, and oil free. There's been a tiny bit of salt and sugar, though. And I quickly discovered that refined sugar just doesn't sit well with me AT ALL....so that's been gone now for the past week. Instead, I've been satisfying my sweet tooth with whole foods like dates, bananas, and watermelon. My body thanks me for it.

We've been having company over on Friday nights, so I've been testing out my baking skills. The first time I made a lemon poppy seed cake (from a recipe I got off of straightupfoods.com). It was good, but didn't quite do it for me. So the next time around, I changed and added some things and made a Cherry Garcia cake instead. And holy crap... it turned out AMAZING. It was so moist, but firm...and just delicious. And to boot, mom make Cherry Garcia ice cream to go with it (made from coconut cream).

Yes, we're all having a blast around here making yummy foods and don't have a bunch of crap in them. 

Ren Fair round ONE

I went to the Ren Fair down in Hollister with some co-workers from Carver. We had a blast...just walking around looking at all the shops and seeing a couple of shows. (Broon was HILARIOUS!). Unfortunately, I got heat exhaustion and ended up throwing up a few times on the way back, and then had to crash at their place since I was out for the count. Man did my throat buuuuuuurn. (This was actually more alarming than usual, and I'm concerned for the well-being of my esophagus). 

Before going to bed, they asked if they should leave the house alarm off. But I asured them the only doors I'd be opening were the one of the bathroom...so they turned it on. THEN... in the middle of the night, I was wanting some fresh air and wanted to open the window, but I had the thought Will this set off the alarm? They didn't say anything about windows...only doors... I decided to chance it, and started opening the window... and set off their alarm. *facepalm* I felt really guilty for waking them up, but they were really sweet about it, assuring me that they've done it themselves. 

What's happening now...

Exercise!

I've been going to the gym 3-5 times per week. I've realized that the best time to go is either right after I get up, or right after BV.... And generally I don't eat till after I get back home. If I wait and eat first...then I usually just end up not going at all. 

I've been doing the Body for Life workout technique, which still really works for me...so I'll just keep doing it till it doesn't. I warm up on the bike or row machine, then do an upper or lower body workout..and then swim for about 25 minutes. And all of that without eating...and I have tons of energy and feel fantastic, and don't feel hungry. 

There's been a few times when I just didn't feel like driving to the gym (because of the heat or time frame), so I've gotten in some good home workouts. We have the TRX and trampoline, and that's all I need, really. :-)

Onward!...To trampoline!

More salad...less cooking.

When I got back home from True North, I discovered that I was having a hard time with over eating. That happened last time and I know it's because there are emotions I store in my belly that I don't want to feel (so I stuff myself with food....albeit healthy food...but still WAY too much). But on the more physical side of things, I figured out that I was eating too much cooked stuff, and not enough raw... So I've been making a point to eat a salad every morning, and that's been a tremendous help. Not to mention, I freaking LOVE it. This salad is just SO fantastic, I could seriously eat it every day for the rest of my life and I'm sure I won't get tired of it. 

Ingredients:

(as much of this as possible is organic)

• Romaine
• Spinach
• Cilantro
• Purple onion
• Beans
• Corn 
• Tofu
• Salsa
• Apple cider vinegar
• Costco brand "No salt" seasoning 
• And if I'm okay with adding some fat: Avocado and white corn tortilla chips 

Dance workshop and....Fever?

Sunday I went to a dance workshop (4 + hours). It was a lot of fun and I learned some new things..especially as a lead (which I wasn't doing then..but it helped boost my confidence to try). Then after that I visited with Mykel, and as always, had a great time. Then after that, I was going to go back and dance some more, but wasn't feeling it, so I went home, made a homemade banana split, and went to bed. 

The next day, it appeared that I was developing a chest cold...nothing serious, so I wasn't concerned. But that night, I started getting a fever, and the following day was MISERABLE. The whole day my skin crawled and was painful to the touch...and I just felt like crap. And canceled all my gigs for the next day (today) since I didn't know how long it would last. I also had to play for a concert over at North Highlands High. I just slapped a smile on my face and hung in there till I could get back home and crash land on my bed, desperately fighting the urge to throw up...which I didn't!!! Hurrah! (It's the small victories)

Life is definitely better. I'm more relaxed in the present moment and enjoying all of my jobs. I've still got goals and plans, but I'm not as fixated on them as I use to be....I never liked that feeling, and it's nice to be freed from it. My main goal right now is to keep working off my debt that I accrued over the summer by going to the workshops down south...so I can go to more!

Leaving

Welp....all my bags are packed up and in my car. The only thing left is a deep issue massage at noon (and I'm very excited about it. It'll be from the same guy who I had the cranial sacral session with). I've got rehearsal tonight at First Cov (aka: River City Christian)...so I'll be hitting the ground running, so-to-speak. I wonder how different I look now. I weighed 124.8 this morning (it seems my weight balanced out there...which is groovy). I don't really feel like I look that much different, but I suppose I'll find out when people see me.

One thing different from last time is you can place a meal order to go! So they're packing me lunch and dinner. This is me....being very excited about that. :-)



Yesterday I FINALLY had enough energy to go to the grave yard and walk around. I no longer feel like I can't breath when I stand, so that's encouraging. (yes....too many double negatives there...but I'm rolling with it). I remembered the grave yard being beautiful and peaceful, but I had forgotten just how increddibly beautiful it was. Breath taking. And the leaves were brown and dying, and the sky was cloudy, and a slight breeze was blowing. It's like Autumn just *poof!* arrived on the scene.



This time just flew by suddenly! At first it was soooooo slow...but here we are now.... totally done and leaving in a few hours. There was so much I got out of this time and I'm so glad I came. Besides a good ol' fashion hardcore detox, I also discovered that I might have a sensitivity to grains...or at least oats. I need to experiment now. AND I had a great revelation on how much I've grown and changed...how I've cultivated my feminine. Just be interacting with people (espeically the men), I see how my energy effects them positively and I see my reflection in their eyes...and it's a new me. I had this old concept of who I was.... small, a fake, insignificant, not worth people's time, etc..... just a lot of negative stuff. And then, seemingly all of the sudden, that's not the case at all.... I know it never was the case to begin with, but now I actually see it and feel it. A powerful sense of worth. It was almost like being at a workshop it was so potent for me.

Day 12: Get the raw on!

This morning's weight: 123.2  (yeah....buddy)

Today I braved a small bowl of fruit...and it went very well. :-) It's the small things, ya know? Then lunch consisted of some leftover blended zucchini mixed with salad stuff from the bar. I would have added a small bit of potato, but non was out. Maybe it's for the best...... Maybe it's for dinner instead? ;-)

My moon time started today..which is exciting...cause I could feel it coming for DAYS and just wanted to it come and be here. The only slight problem is this: my last urine sample showed a little bit of blood....nothing to be concerned about, and not abnormal for fasters. But since I'm eating now, there shouldn't be any. Well.... tomorrow is "pee day" but since I'm bleeding, then for SURE there will be blood in my sample. *facepalm* My solution is to take a shower, rinse off rrreeeeeeaaaaalllly well, and then quickly pee in the cup. Hopefully that works. We'll see.